1974 BUICK ESTATE STATION WAGON

I was going to work the other day and as I was waiting for the red light at Preston and Arapaho, this tank of a station wagon pulls up beside me. A graying Gentleman/Captain in his (perhaps) fifties was in full command of his boat and while at the red light was texting and later talking on his I Phone. He had a really nifty top of the line TomTom GPS along with several other high tech gee gaws that lit up the interior of the vehicle belying the fact that his chariot was an albatross from a previous age. He had obviously transcended that antiquity as the interior of his vehicle looked more like the starship Enterprise.

The vehicle in question was a 1974 Buick Estate Station Wagon, just like the one owned by my Dad many years before which firmly etched in my memory banks. Believe it, the 1974 to 1976 Buick Estate Station Wagons were the largest station wagons ever built. They were huge and cavernous - the automotive battleships of their day. Dad could transport a whole kids’ soccer team in his vehicle and did so with some regularity (Go Brunonia!). These big sturdy wagons, born out of the railroad era, were the proud though doomed predecessors of the Van Age. Scots please note the Saltire on front license plate in the above photo.

Our wagon was tan in color and with a faux wood grain exterior trim which Buick ostensibly used to attract the more affluent members of our society: those with obvious good taste (the Ozzie & Harriett crowd). Buick wanted to conjure up memories of kinder and gentler times though now it’s been relegated to an object of reverence though mostly curiosity and nostalgia, witness this writer. The wagon’s huge size and eye popping, high performing 455 cubic inch V8 engine meant that it could only survive in an era of sub $1.00 per gallon gasoline prices. Indeed, the big Estate Wagons would go the way of the wind and the dinosaur and were downsized in 1977. The new mandated fuel economy standards meant that the big tanks were doomed to the junk pile and that’s where most ended up. Indeed, when you Google the car you mostly get the names of junk yards and parts dealers that specialize in replacement parts for these outdated beasties.

I think it interesting that with an original MSRP of just over $5K US that car is now worth well over $12K US (less than mint) in today’s marketplace. I did note that the current owners of a ’74 Buick Estate Wagon that had been converted for funeral home use is now going for a very affordable $1,740.00. We suspect that it doesn’t run. At any rate, I am sure that there’s a college fraternity out there that could come up with the coins for that purchase? Dad ended up donating his Estate Wagon to a local church when it became obvious that it needed some major work on the engine. As a man who greatly appreciated the value and worth of any item I wonder what his reaction would be to its current valuation?

Estate Wagons have even achieved cult status and probably because nostalgic old farts like me who owned and/or drove them, remember and appreciate their presence in so many movies to include the iconic The Blues Brothers, Thelma & Louise, Car Wash and Best of the Best, among many others.

Many folks in my generation to include great Friends Jim and Jo Pennington of Chattanooga owned a vehicle in that Goliath genre; in their case an old Plymouth Station Wagon that served them well and was generally the top seller for Plymouth for many years. For a fairly comprehensive glimpse into our station wagon past, please do not hesitate to surf over to http://www.stationwagon.com/history.html.

Driving one of these gas-guzzling monsters was also a pretty good way to stay in shape. Power steering aside, they required some muscle and as big as they were, a flight plan should have been filed so that other, more diminutive vehicles could stay out of your way… I vividly remember the difficulty I had negotiating my GMC Yukon XL in the mountains around Erwin, Tennessee, then home to good Friends Mike Wilson and Tad, Beverly and Charlie Sims. I cannot even comprehend how that big Buick Estate wagon could even fit on some of those very narrow, steep, switchback mountain roads. By necessity it had to own the whole road…

Fast forward to today and we see that many manufacturers including Subaru, Volvo, Mazda, Suzuki, Saab (goodbye), BMW, Mitsubishi, Toyota, Volkswagen and domestic manufacturers Dodge and Chevrolet (wannabes) are producing small to mid size (some hybrid) crossover station wagons that better appeal to our economy, agility, utility and our green, downsizing mentality. Sure not the form and function of my Father’s Buick Estate Wagon!

We see that GM’s Buick brand has miraculously survived the initial downsizing of this once all-dominant automobile manufacturer. The Buick has been all but reinvented with GM even proclaiming that “This is not your father’s Buick!” a seeming take off on one of their old advertising proclamations, “This is not your Grandfather’s Buick.” I find this generational, geriatric snub a tad alienating not to mention confusing as the Buick used to be that first grand step of the middle class to automotive respectability. With an ever aging and more affluent population, what would they recommend for us blue hairs? GM and their Buick line appear between the rock and the hard place with their future bleak at best.

With GM and Buick trying to escape an ever aging demographic and that being their primary though diminishing customer base, they have to at least literally try to reinvent the wheel. That failing, Buick won’t be around much longer. Aside from that, how do you convince a potential buyer to purchase a car from a nearly (and apparently impending) bankrupt manufacturer?

Guess that we won’t be seeing the resurrection of the Buick Estate Wagon anytime in the near future. If there is ever a renaissance of these big wagons and I get weird and want to buy one, maybe I can make an offer to our Buick Estate Wagon texting Friend the next time we meet at the traffic light. Haven’t seen him since…

Aye,

Ned Buxton

REAL MEN WEAR PINK

I wore a pink shirt to work the other day and while it was no big deal, my best Friend commented that, “only real men wear pink.” That immediately brought to mind an incident and cultural rite of passage that occurred in Atlanta many years ago. Now I’m fairly comfortable in my own skin but the wearing of the pink especially in a work environment wasn’t always kosher and didn’t happen by accident.

In August of 1966 I was hired by the Retail Credit Company (RCC) of Atlanta, Georgia as a Field Representative (insurance investigator) in their Marietta, Georgia branch office. I was originally vetted and approved by the RCC Memphis manager who probably liked me for no more reason than I was an Ole Miss graduate and had played some football there my freshman year - an honorable mid-south pedigree. I was hired under what was then (and even now) their very impressive College Recruiting Program - one of the first real effective fast track succession planning strategies implemented by any major American corporation. I was given probably more opportunities than I deserved though by the Summer of 1970 after operational stints in Marietta, Hapeville and a sub office in Mableton, Georgia, I found myself firmly domiciled by RCC (now Equifax) in their Atlanta, Georgia headquarters at 1600 Peachtree Street working under the tutelage of a brilliant writer and all around nice guy with an incredibly talented sommelier wife, one John Cooper who had the charge to develop and grow the company’s Field Training and ultimately their Corporate Training & Development Department. He succeeded and after some expanded workshops and seminars at the University of Michigan I was able to assume the leadership of the Equifax Educational Programming and Research unit and later the corporate Employee Relations function.

Now in the home office I was able to meet some of the real movers and shakers of this very conservative company that had born and nurtured the now famous white gloved ladies that worked at their original home office on Decatur Street and later in a new headquarters in the Fairlie-Poplar district in the heart of downtown Atlanta. A few of those Ladies were still on watch by the time I hit 1600 Peachtree. They were vigilant protectors of the grail…

Again, the name of the game was CONSERVATIVE in all matters, especially dress. The work dress code required jacket, white (sometimes light blue) shirt and tie, every day. There was no casual Friday and certainly no jeans were ever worn. As a product of the New England prep school system and Ole Miss where blazer and tie were accepted norms, I was right at home. Everyday was Sunday.

Dress conventions and protocols in the 1970’s (Hippies aside) started to ease a bit but who would lead the charge in the twentieth century workplace? Surely not one of the mostly staid officers of the company and not one of us upstart young lions and not even one fellow employee, Earl Crew in HR who when four o’clock rolled around became another person – like the rest of us. Earl was perhaps one of the more industrious of the RCC young Turks (change tomorrow, today!) working a second job selling watches. That experience plus his good humor and work ethic eventually earned him the love of a fellow employee and eventually the position of Vice President of Compensation for Equifax. Not bad…

As an aside, Equifax allowed me the privilege of life long Friendships with the likes of Nancy Bell, Bobbie Blanton, Newt Richardson, Kathy Murphy, Dieter Arnold and John Werner, among others, so this was an excellent career and personal decision. Thanks guys!

At that time RCC had a dynamic leader, W. Lee Burge who first started working for the company as a mail room clerk when he was in College at Georgia State University (then the Atlanta Division of the University of Georgia). Burge worked for RCC/Equifax for fifty years, earned Presidency and Chairman positions with the company and became the poster boy for RCC, the company who “grew their own.” I think that he knew everybody’s name at 1600 and when we would meet in the hall (fairly frequently) he always called me by my first name and asked about my Family. I suspect that I was no different than Earl or any other employee. Burge set the example and standard for the company and the community with his Service Excellence philosophy (“A pleased customer always returns to the place where he has been well served.”) fitting nicely amongst today’s top service oriented companies. He had a insatiable thirst for knowledge and was a voracious fiscally responsible citizen of Atlanta. He was passionate about all he did. I wish that he were still among us to help sort out our current economic woes.

As a natural leader he assumed the helm of not only Retail Credit/Equifax but many organizations giving back to the community at large whenever he could. Among many other honors and projects, he served as Chairman of the Board of Regents of the University System of Georgia from 1972-73 and in a predominately African American city and an indication of the respect he engendered, served as Chairman of Atlanta’s United Negro College Fund from 1974-75. He was on the board of trustees at Mercer University and member of the board of governors of Georgia State University’s Center for Ethics and Corporate Responsibility and strong proponent of the Georgia State University (GSU) College of Law. GSU established the W. Lee Burge Endowment for Law & Ethics, an active teaching chair that promotes ethics, professionalism and access to justice. Very appropriate for the man who set the standard in the Atlanta Community.

Lee Burge understood the necessity for change and facilitated the very necessary evolution to modern thinking and protocols and all under the noses of the existing RCC Aristocracy. He brought in IBM’s Jack Rogers who in turn brought in Tom Chapman who completed the cycle. Having left Equifax in 1980, it was fun and satisfying to watch the transition.

Well, one hot summer morning while looking in our coffee cups during break (I think it was Earl Crew, Larry Case and me), Lee Burge came down off the hallowed Fifth Floor, strolled through the cafeteria and into the private dining room. Not unusual you say? Except that Burge was wearing blue blazer, pink shirt, gray slacks and white bucks! The cafeteria fell silent as Lee acknowledged several employees, smiled and went into his meeting. The die was cast and the future was ours. We just looked at each other and smiled understanding the ramifications of that one simple deliberate act.

There was no formal announcement of a change in the dress code though from that point the old button-down dress code became a part of RCC history. We had gone from Flash Gordon to Luke Skywalker in a millisecond! Pink and pastels of every color soon visited 1600 along with many a seersucker suit and, yes, white bucks. We had turned the fashion corner and we owed it all to Lee Burge. New Orleans had moved to Atlanta…

Fast forward to the 21st century. Pink remains the color of alpenglow on Mount Rainier, my best Friend's bathrobe, Pepto Bismol, some compromised poodles, traditional bubble gum, my favorite panther, Elvis’ and Mary Kay's Cadillacs, the three plastic flamingos someone put on my lawn in Atlanta in 1979, the performing and stage name of the talented Alecia Moore, a feminine loungewear line, part of the name of several other pop singers and groups and, most importantly, the symbol and color of breast cancer awareness who keep reminding us that Pink is the color of passion! The 2007 Calgary Stampede was a literal sea of pink as “Tough Enough to Wear Pink” Wrangler and rodeo fans from around the world righteously supported breast cancer research and awareness programs.

For all you Scots out there yes, there really are tartans that incorporate the color pink and a company dba Pink Tartan. Well, we actually found a corporate pink tartan material registered with the ScottIsh Tartans Society known simply as, Think Pink, apparently offered by our Friends with breast cancer awareness (the Highlands are alive!). "Legtimate" Tartans that incorporate some degree of pink include the MacMillan Old Ancient and Old Weathered Tartans, the Bruce of Kinnaird Ancient Tartan, the Connaught and Munster (Ulster) Tartans and the Aberdeen (District) tartan. Yes, I was surprised though I have seen the Ancient MacMillan at the Grandfather Mountain Highland Games. It's attractive.

We also found the fashionable and very chic clothing label Pink Tartan (http://www.pinktartan.com/), the brainchild of Canadian Kimberley Newport-Mimran. While the company has a decidedly Scottish moniker, they don’t appear to have anything to do with tartans or kilts. They have designed and used some awesome pink plaids in their very popular women’s clothing lines that continue to entertain and inspire Scotophiles.

We noted that the State of Minnesota has a state tartan that has a dark pink stripe, emblematic of the pink in their state flower, the Showy Lady¹s Slipper. Added bonus: When the pink color runs through the blue threads in the Tartan, it becomes purple, the color of the Thistle, Scotland's national flower. Inquiring minds want to know… We can only assume there are more examples we have overlooked.

So, thanks to Lee Burge and other like minded corporate fashion plates we can wear our pink shirts of any persuasion and be comforted that we are not compromising our masculinity – “a real man can wear any color he wants.”

My reality is that as my hair turns more silver, a pink shirt really doesn’t look half bad….. So, support breast cancer awareness and programs any way you can and thank Lee Burge for all he did.

Fashion trends aside, are you tough enough to wear pink?

Aye,

Ned Buxton

IN MY RIGHT MIND

Great Friend Chuck Fatheree of Atlanta and his Clan Lamont recently reminded me that the Scots term for left-handedness is corrie fistit which literally means clumsy. Another term for left-handedness can also be heilan meaning “Highland” a proud appellation for most of us whose families emanated from the Highlands of Scotland. However, the term refers to the one-time, ill-advised and negative racist perception that Highlanders were awkward and backward. Must have come from the Sassenach… And, yes, we used to eat English babies and our dead…

The real reason why many perceive left handedness as the deviation from the norm is probably because - it is (10% v. 90%). With the world being overwhelmingly right-handed those who developed that sinister persuasion fell under a diabolical and superstitious scrutiny that continues to this day.

The cultural prejudice against left-handedness is pervasive in most societies around the world with the basic implication that right is correct and left is wrong. To this day in many societies and cultures left-handed mannerisms are still discouraged and even outlawed. To the latter part of the 20th century use of the left hand for writing was discouraged in English schools. There’s more.

The old Irish used to use the term ciotóg In the Gaelic language, pronounced 'kitt-ogue', and means “strange one.” Works for me…. Some Irish still use the term Kitter-fisted while the Norse use crooked-handed to describe left-handed folks.

When we hear the word sinister we usually conjure up images of the dark side – to include evil, malicious, harmful, ominous and even Satanic. To many, however, the word denotes (from the Latin) no more than a reference to those who are dominated by their left hand as opposed to the preferred alternative. My maternal grandfather, son and I are among those that constitute from seven to ten percent of Homo Sapiens that are left-handed. As I watched President Obama sign the stimulus package the other day I couldn’t help noticing and being reminded that he’s also a southpaw. By the way, John McCain is also left-handed. Do we find consolation that 60% of our presidents over the last thirty years are left-handed? For me there’s something comfortable about being left-handed though that hasn’t been the case throughout history.

There are many blogs and sites out there that are exploring Lefthandedness, the history of gauche discrimination and some of the more current unacceptable attitudes and practices about this dexterity (oops!). We shall soon overcome. We will recommend some to you later and hope they encourage your further inquiry.

Whether these aforementioned sinister misconceptions came from a less than intelligent, primal eureka that recognized behavioral and mechanical differences to the current cultural stereotypes or the habits of expanding Islamic societies where the left hand is always used in the toilet (use your imagination) and considered evil and unclean, doesn’t really matter. The fact is, they exist. As a side bar we of Might of Right do sincerely recommend that when in the company of Muslim hosts that you lefties eat with your right hand. It’s easy. Heck, if 90% have the hang of it…

On a personal note, throughout my early life my left-handedness always put me at a disadvantage. Think about it, most everything in our world to include knives, scissors, can openers, pens, shears, trowels and other basic implements are all “right-handed”. I not so fondly remember at St. Dunstan’s School and later at Moses Brown in Providence, Rhode Island having to endure incredibly awkward right-handed desks until they finally got me desks sinister. Musical instruments are mostly right-handed. Firearms to include pistols and rifles are all manufactured for the righty user. That may be a sign that we are the peacemakers of the world though I note that dictators like Napoleon, Julius Caesar, Tiberius, Charlemagne, Alexander the Great and thugs like Castro were/are all left-handed. Thank God for Colin Powell and Norman Schwarzkopf two left-handers who fought for peace.

As a youngster I was active as a Junior Member of the National Rifle Association. My left-handed Grandfather, Alden Llewellyn Littlefield, was the Range Master (along with many more responsibilities) at the Masassoit Gun Club in Riverside, Rhode Island which was named for the famous Wampanoag Chief, Massasoit who helped the inept and ultimately discriminating Plymouth Pilgrims survive their first winter in the New World. Granddaddy Littlefield taught me how to shoot and even had a special left-handed 22 calibre rifle (small) available for me. My goal was to someday be able to use his left-handed competition rifles that he used to great success in competitions all over the northeast. He was a crack shot, a true Champion and heroic figure for me as I grew up. I still have some of his vintage left-handed golf clubs which are sacred icons in our Family.

While I no longer shoot competitively I have embraced some of Granddaddy’s lessons when I performed Grant’s New Highland Military Discipline of 1757 with my short land pattern .75 calibre flintlock Brown Bess musket that sure wasn’t designed for the southpaw (no mass produced weapons were). Many a left-handed 78th Fraser Highlander has walked away from our musketry firing range with burns and black powder residue on his face from the right-handed lock. I am glad that today I own an Ithaca shotgun with a bottom load and eject design that works well for this southpaw. No, I’ve never fired the weapon…

Thank God there are stores now to include The Sinister Shoppe and Anything Left Handed, among many others, that specialize in selling items that can be easily used by left-handers to include those pesky knives and scissors and even left-handed spiral bound notebooks or left-handed boomerangs? Ahhhhh, life’s necessities… But before I got to that point I just learned to use right-handed implements and doubt that I could properly use anything else. You do what you have to do.

My Mother never discouraged or attempted to diminish my sinister leanings, rather encouraged me with many books and manuals for lefties. She never tied my left arm behind my back, rather provided special instruction whenever necessary to include training on how to properly tie a necktie. Mother insisted that my Brothers and I only use a double Windsor knot and literally forbade us from using the four-in-hand or half Windsor and inspected us before we headed out for any occasion that required neckwear. So, who taught me? Yes. Grandfather Littlefield whose left-handed tutelage is appreciated and followed even to this day…

We of that nether gauche world have been told that we are different in so many ways with that statement mostly meant as insult. Well, they are right in that we do process information differently than you righties. Daniel H. Pink in his Revenge of the Right Brain says that we are more creative and imaginative and we are going to slip easily into the upcoming Conceptual Age, the successor to our current Information Age. It’s that right brain, left brain thing all over again.

I could rant and rail all day long and provide long lists of lefties that have contributed mightily (bad and good) to our current state, but you can look those folks up yourself (please) while marveling that this grand and very productive group does seem to far outstrip our small 7-10% minority. I can reflect that some of my favorite left-handers include G. Edward Buxton IV, Alden Llewellyn Littlefield, Don and Phil Everly (The Everly Brothers), Bart Simpson, Steve McQueen, Richard Pryor, Jim Henson, Kermit the Frog, Michael Landon, Mary Brinker, George Bush (the Father), Joan of Arc, Queen Victoria, Lewis Carroll, Mark Twain, HG Wells, Ronald Reagan, Leonardo Di Vinci and, yes, Michelangelo, among others. I also need note that Terry Sawchuk, NHL Hall of Fame goaltender mostly with the Detroit Red Wings, a personal hero growing up and probably the greatest goaltender to ever play the game, is left-handed. I was a pretty good left-handed goaltender myself and appreciated the competitive advantage it allowed.

Some of the reference sources (web and blog sites - humorous and otherwise) you can easily access include lefty RC and his comprehensive http://www.beinglefthanded.com website and the talented Rosemary Kathleen West (not the serial killer) for her http://www.theworldofstuff.com/lefty/ and her collection of poetry, fiction and drama, Things That Melt. Well done!

One of my favorite blogs is operated by one left-handed fan Molly Prentiss aka Blogging Molly who can be found at http://mollyprentiss.blogspot.com/. She may be my favorite right-handed person that I have never personally met… She writes wonderfully in a stream of consciousness style.

“…right-handers use analysis. The left-handers use synthesis. If there were one thousand pieces of popcorn laid out on the floor, you would be able to find the blue kernels by looking at the whole picture. The right-handers would be sitting in that gymnasium for months, analyzing each stale piece of the Friday night feature.”

So, if you’re a southpaw; lefty; corrie fistit; heilan; corrie, gar-pawed; cuddy-wifter; buck, gibble or keck-fisted; caggy; ballock, cack, golly, scrammy, skiffle, spuddy, crooked or keggy-handed; kay-neived; kerry kittaghy; left-kelly; left-plug or scoochy, rejoice! You’re creative, adaptable, think outside the box and at the top of the food chain.

Aye,

Ned Buxton

DALLAS GRAND FETE & RITE DE PASSAGE

The last time I wore a tuxedo was at the Atlanta Ski Club’s casino night at Dave & Busters in Atlanta many years ago. That same year I believe that I wore that tux to the Atlanta US Ski Team Benefit at the historic Fox Theater. With my Scots heritage firmly cemented and all my gear in place, my Sherrifmuir or Prince Charlie with kilt has been the de rigueur since and my preferred and very socially acceptable mode of dress for formal occasions.

Despite an entreaty to wear my formal Highland garb to the recent twenty-third annual Dallas Symphony Orchestra League Presentation Ball, I opted to wear the tux again and allow the forty-six debutantes especially the daughter of our hosts to be the center of attention. Though this probably would not be the case in Atlanta, Charlotte, Chattanooga, Savannah, Mobile, Birmingham, Richmond, Charleston, Washington, DC and even New York, Dallas and Texas in general does not appear to understand their significant Scots heritage and the importance of their contribution to this great nation and even to the formation of the Republic of Texas. But, that’s another story and, yes, there was a piper at The Alamo, the inspired and colorful John MacGregor from Aberfeldy, Perthshire, Scotland.

Lest we think that this rite of passage is a purely Southern institution we need note that Debutante Balls aka Cotillions are now held all over the world and unless you’re a KA, we’re not dealing with an exclusive and nostalgic Southern mentality (though that would be OK by me).

I ventured into the inner sanctums of the magnificent Myerson Symphony Center in Dallas with no expectations save memories of my first Cotillions in Providence, Rhode Island where my first year (1962) I was in white tie and tails and the Escort of Phoebe Gifford a close and dear Family Friend (cousin) and surrogate daughter to my Mother. In 1963 I was incorporated into the general cadre of Honor Guards that escorted the Mothers of current debutantes. The Cotillions were held at the “Grand Dame of Providence” the Sheraton-Biltmore Hotel built in 1922 as the city's premier hotel and now on the National Historic Registrar. The Sheraton Biltmore (now the Providence Biltmore) was the venue for many of the most significant Debutante Balls in the United States. Most of the young ladies were the daughters and scions of American families (the upper crust) of the Providence and southern New England Social Register though many more young ladies from New York and Boston chose Providence to “come out” into the world of adults. It was an extraordinary spectacle that captured the grandeur of the gilded age that then and now exists in nearby Newport.

As an aside, the Biltmore housed the Falstaff Room a bar that conjured up the spirit of Shakespeare’s Sir John Falstaff, the portly and comedic glutton who was characterized by his loose tongue and copious consumption of alcohol (whatever). It was in these gilded and old English environs where many a young man of eighteen was served his first legal drink. Shortly after my eighteenth birthday in 1961 my Father escorted me to the Falstaff room for my rite of passage with alcohol. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that one of my football coaches at Lenox had already taken the lead in New York State (all legal, mind you). So, the Sheraton was the home for two great rites of passage and always of great significance to me. In was in that great spirit that I entered the Myerson…

I’m guessing that there must have been some 1,500+ folks in attendance at this Cinderella-like event; the debs, escorts, Family, Friends and socialites of all persuasions - dressed to impress. The exquisite gowns of Vera Wang, Badgley Mischka, Carmen Marc Vavlo, Carolina Herrera, Donatella Versace and other top designers graced many beautiful ladies who with the requisite cleavage were regaled in their Family jewels. Beautiful People literally filled the lower level Lobby where long drink lines didn’t prevent me from securing a Rex Goliath (free range) Chardonnay and a Tunnel of Elms Cabernet of dubious origin (a seven dollar bottle) though they really weren’t that bad. At 8:00 PM the debutantes were presented on the Myerson stage musically accompanied by select members of the Dallas Symphony Orchestra (DSO).

I was in for a treat and didn’t know it was coming even as the first debutante was introduced. Along with the rest of the Debs she wore a gorgeous, extravagantly layered, bouffant white ball gown with either hoops or scores of petticoats to maintain its shape. She was accompanied by her Father who escorted her to the front of the stage, kissed her on her cheek and then released her to the world. I expected the perfunctory St. James Bow and curtsey as performed by Phoebe and the other Debutantes I have seen. She smiled and as if blossoming, slowly raised her arms to her side, parallel to the stage as if ready to fly whilst holding a bouquet of at least a dozen orange roses in her white gloved right hand. Everybody in the Myerson was holding their collective breaths. Like thousands of Texas Debutantes around the world before her she steadfastly looked forward then slowly sank to her knees lowering herself to the floor while maintaining her balance, upright posture and, most importantly, her dignity. It was as if she literally and gracefully melted into the floor. While still facing the audience she leaned over and only when she was almost enveloped by her gown did she look down bringing her face into her dress while she hovered just above the floor. Her gown had blossomed and spread out around her like an open chrysanthemum.

Everybody in the Myerson was quiet as she slowly looked to her escort who steadfastly came to her side and taking her left hand provided some assistance as she gracefully lifted her head up and then seemingly without effort and in a fluid motion unseated herself and slowly rose to a standing position. An appreciative audience politely though enthusiastically applauded while her Friends and Family offered a few Texas He-Haws, Whoops and Rebel Yells. Well done, Aye, Y’all.

This bigger than life embellishment of the curtsey is known formally as the Full Court Bow and referred by many as the Texas Dip and by others as the Texas Swan Lake maneuver. This was no great surprise as in the Lone Star State we do things with a little more bravado, drama, flair and style, Let there be no doubt that this is a big brave thing to do in front of God, the world and lots of Texas folks.

That exercise was repeated forty five more times and far from fictional Willow Bend, Texas and Linda Francis Lee’s tongue-in-cheek Carlisle Wainwright Cushing character and her failure to properly execute the Texas Dip, the 2009 class of DSO Debs were superb in their effort with several approaching near perfection.

One of my high points was seeing none other than one of my personal heroes and PGA golf great, Lee Buck Trevino escort his daughter and facilitate her ascendency to maturity. I entertained and amused those around me with an exclamatory, “That’s Lee Trevino!” He was grand as ever and my only disappointment that evening was the failure to find him later in order to thank him for years of incredible athleticism and entertainment. Thank you, Lee, for all you have done. Our best to you and your Family.

The introduction of the debutantes was followed by a superb three course dinner that was swiftly served by a consummately professional banquet staff. As a veteran and graduate of the food wars (been there, done that) and specifically Carr’s Catering in Rhode Island (next door neighbors) and the Radisson in Atlanta, my compliments for their impeccable execution.

The dance band (Cuvee) wasn’t even a remote facsimile of Lester Lanin and his Orchestra, the New York band with the big band sound that played at so many debutante balls throughout the Northeast (and the world) including the 1962 and 1963 Cotillions in Providence. I was an early beneficiary of the Parent’s League dances at the Agawam Hunt Club (est. 1897) in Rumford, RI where Lanin and his orchestra officiated at many a dance rite of passage especially for most of us that lived on the east side and College Hill area of Providence. We grew up dancing to his music and he was us…

The Cuvee band which has apparently catered to most of the young folk of exclusive Highland and University Parks within Dallas could not carry the bags of Lester Lanin and to compare their music is like trying to herd a bunch of cats. One of their admitted high points was playing at Dennis Hoppers 60th birthday… OK? Maybe they just had a bad night, but they were just loud with their real talent hidden somewhere within those 150 db frenzies. The DSO oversold the function and the excess of guests turned the dance floor into a Standing Room Only saunter. Disgusted, I didn’t dance one step, choosing to conservatively drink the wine and have some great conversation with new Friends. Aye!

Some Dallas critics offered that this celebration was an extravagant excess, not appropriate to our current economic situation, a debauched vestige of our decadent past and that it sent all the wrong signals. Well, my anthropology and College Hill genes protest! I certainly believe that events such as this sends all the right signals and first and foremost that it’s OK to grow up and evolve in a world where change is the mantra. We need to recognize that sacred transition and metamorphosis from adolescence to adulthood as a significant event. We can also point out that this generated employment for perhaps hundreds of citizens and had a positive impact on the local economy (more later).

Having said that there is no doubt that elitism and self indulgence played a small part in this exercise but isn’t that all part of the human experience? As the song goes, Tradition! We can still concede that the world has changed and that Women are equals and probably our superiors. Many of the young Ladies present appeared to be more engaged in networking and that ultimate CEO slot rather than looking for a husband. What a great way to preserve the better part of our past and have a great time doing it!

As they say in the Lone Star State: Where there’s a cause, there’s a charity and where there’s charity, there’s usually a party. That surely was the case here as the Dallas Symphony League has raised over $9M these last twenty-three years for the DSO Education and Community Outreach Programs. The DSO annually spends more than $700,000.00 US on community outreach literally serving thousands of young people in Dallas/Fort Worth and north Texas.

This was an enjoyable evening spent in the company of Friends and a noble, civilized, time honored tradition that helps us to be the best that we can be… My genuine and heartfelt thanks to our hosts and my Best Friend.

Aye,

Ned Buxton

THE CAUSE OF SPELLING

The successes of President Barack Obama, former presidents Ronald Reagan and Jack Kennedy as well as some of my favorite business leaders that include the likes of Jack Welch, Hugh McColl, Lee Iacocca and many, many more have validated that effective communication skills top the list of personal qualities and skills demanded and admired by Americans and citizens of the world. These leaders know/knew how to dynamically articulate their visions, construct strong and strategic relationships, build a consensus for their agendas and among many other positive attributes, attract those that would be motivated by and help build on those ideals and goals.

You think that these folks are fluent in English (aka The language) and know how to write, spell and create important thoughts. You bet!

As a Human Resources and recruiting professional I have seen and interviewed perhaps thousands of candidates from entry level factory workers to professionals and corporate executives over the course of my career. The one constant in all their position descriptions was the essential requirement and skill that they be able to communicate individually and as a member of a Team and build a consensus for their mission and goals.

I see young people every day that have consciously failed to put together the basic building blocks of learning and haven’t a clue about communication including spelling and grammar. Far worse, they really don’t care. Instead, they have built a whole sub culture of alternative English (including Ebonics), encrypted slang and modern texting that has precluded the correct usage of the English language in style and substance. Not that I am an ultimate correct practitioner of the Queen’s English. Quite the contrary. I couldn’t tell you the difference between an inflectional plural suffix and syntactic subclasses but I can spell, put sentences together that are understood by my targeted audiences and many others of those cultures that comprehend and appreciate the English language. While I do have the basics down, I am far from perfect in my use of The Language.

It would appear that many of our younger generation share that imperfection to an even greater degree. And just when these young folks are teetering on the brink of a total naïveté and lack of fluency in The Language (mostly because of pure laziness and a cultural affectation), along comes Diane Mapes, a witty and very talented writer from the Seattle area who in a fit of hopeful satire may be letting our lesser educated brothers, sisters, sons and daughters off the hook for their failure to appreciate or learn the basics of The Language.

Mapes in her recent MSNBC posting, Fastidious Spelling Snobs Pushed Over the Edge, invokes research done at Oxford University in England who in her estimation have allegedly come to the conclusion that, “The ability to spell may have more to do with our DNA than the amount of time we spend with our nose in a dictionary.”

Well, the research (not without controversy) she strategically and thoroughly takes out of context was the discovery that the gene that is believed to be associated with Dyslexia is also connected with reading ability. Well, we know that Dyslexia is a learning disability that primarily manifests as, “a difficulty with written language, particularly with reading” so can easily assume that this also segways to spelling and other written language skills (no brainer). Mapes uses this to anchor her comments which are mostly without merit.

Mapes in a pure entitled Kum By Ya (do you have a hanky?) spirit takes special pains to quote one Gary Cohen, a self professed executive coach (?) from Minneapolis who admitted to being, “hassled about his spelling for years” and then stated character issues had nothing to do with his inability to spell. Cohen states, “I didn’t have a choice about being a good speller,” he says. “It wasn’t about lack of effort or practice or laziness, which is what it can often be associated with. I grew up with learning differences. My daughter has them too.” Well, we certainly can sympathize with Cohen and his daughter, but he doesn’t represent the vast majority of folks that just don’t get it and have failed to take advantage of the educational opportunities offered them.

Having said that there are many folks who have conquered this disability and are leaders in their field. They are too numerous to list here though that list would surely include some of my favorite folks like Richard Branson, Anthony Hopkins, Stephen J. Cannell, John Irving, Jay Leno, Charles Schwab and many more. Yes, they can spell.

Now I can’t carry the bags for those folks but when I was a child I had what they called mirror reading (they now call it dyslexia) where I would literally read from right to left and then put the sentences back in their proper place from left to right. I also reversed words and letters. I can only assume that I would have really lit up a cat scan. An alert third grade teacher at St. Marks School of Texas in Dallas recognized my problem, engaged the appropriate reading regimens (lots of phonics) and in a matter of months I was reading, comprehending and spelling correctly. Though I really didn't know I had a problem, once discovered, I had a choice to do something and did. By the way I was an excellent student up to that point. I have no idea what happened since then….

The main purpose of Mape’s surprising and provocative post was to report that factors such as stress brought on by the bad economy, loss of jobs, foreclosures, war, and just life itself have prompted some folks (generally those fluent in The Language) to hold others more accountable for their use of English to what she fashions - an excess. Mapes castigates anyone whether professor or citizen who criticizes someone for improper spelling or grammar labeling them as “fastidious”, a “snob”, “word nerd”, a “spelling, grammar and punctuation snob”, “word warrior” and “control freak” among other less than complimentary terms.

It would certainly appear that this and other crises are reflecting that our society is ever devolving our ability to accept the blame for our own failures and shortcomings thereby diminishing the potential for improvement and the reversal of any bad situation. Younger people in ever increasing numbers appear to be squandering educational or business opportunities and then wallowing in self pity when they can’t qualify for that next great job or an advanced degree. Recruiters and HR folks can write reams on their experiences in these areas.

These failures generally have nothing to do with intellectual capacity or overall ability to engage these important tasks. Rather we appear to be engaged in an “eat and be merry” and “live for the moment” mentality that invokes Aesop and his fable of the ant and the grasshopper which was borrowed from the ancients and even co-opted by Walt Disney, Jim Henson and even author W. Somerset Maugham. The moral of this story though some modern versions have incorporated some diabolical twists is that those who are industrious and persevere and plan for the future will prevail while those who do not will ultimately fail and in extreme cases, die. One recent politically correct version has the destitute grasshopper taking the ant to court and ultimately charging him with discrimination and claiming all his assets basically because he was successful…

Whether it’s spelling, grammar or your own morality play, hold yourself to the highest possible standard as you will be the ultimate benefactor of that effort. Failure to develop and practice good communication skills will sit you on the bench forever. You will always be junior varsity wondering why you weren’t afforded the opportunity to pursue your goals…… why you weren’t a success.

Reality is that many folks for whatever reason chose not to make communication and language skills a priority. Their window opened and closed almost without pause and they didn’t even know it happened. The rush of air they heard and the resultant vacuum was their future rushing to meet that next person who chose the path of opportunity. Bottom line: We have always been in control and responsible for all aspects of our lives. Fat Friends don’t make us fat, abusive relatives will not make us indecisive and a recessive gene will not ultimately deny most of us the ability to spell.

So, what’s it going to be – ant or grasshopper?

Aye,

Ned Buxton

MARGIN OF VICTORY - RESTATING THE OBVIOUS

Whatever your perspective on sports performance and acceptable behaviors on that supposed field of honor, we have either reached the abyss of political correctness and height of hypocrisy or we have evolved into another whole ethereal life form. I think that we occupy space in that middle realm as we would certainly like to have it both ways. There are no doubt formidable adherents that occupy both extremes.

The recent 100-0 drubbing by the Dallas, Texas’ Covenant School’s girls varsity basketball team over the winless (for four years) Dallas Academy girl’s team has once again revealed another opportunity to take a look at the culture of sports in our society and speculate what’s really important. Do we embrace a Victory at any cost mantra or should any Victory be secondary to moral and ethical considerations? The question begs: Why do we engage in sports at all? It would be nice, though surprising, if something positive – and lasting - were to result from this embarrassing and revealing episode.

There are foundations, organizations and academics that monitor this question and offer ever evolving perspectives on sport in our society (I wonder if they ever played sports?). It’s too bad that more parents and coaches don’t contemplate the consequences of their actions. So many seem to faux spiritually embrace ancient Greek philosophies of sport at least on paper only to forget them in the heat of competition. Bottom line: Most fail to apply them in their everyday lives. Like snow in North Texas, you never really get a lot and it doesn’t last very long…

By the way, I don’t totally blame former Covenant coach Micah Grimes for what happened even though the situation got out of hand while he was on point. He mostly did what he was paid to do and we suspect that it was only his very public rejection of Covenant’s hierarchy that prompted his firing. In an employment-at-will state like Texas an employer can release you for seemingly mundane reasons so long as they don’t break any laws. We may not have seen the end of this chapter of the Micah Grimes Saga…

As a side note we can find some solace in the Dallas Academy boy’s Varsity basketball team victory over their Covenant counterparts later that same night. The girls team lost their next game 41-8 and then in a long overdue action, appropriately opted out of their league and started scheduling games with more evenly matched opponents. Covenant has since publicly flagellated themselves, forfeited the game and apologized for their “embarrassing and shameful” victory. Some local citizenry have opined that Covenant looks almost too contrite… (smile please for the cameras).

No doubt that a lot of folks failed in this sad episode and that especially includes the parents and the administrators of both schools. The so-called lessons learned from this incident will soon blow over and become a footnote in a Wikipedia article. While we understand that some Dallas Academy parents and supporters were shocked and dismayed, we wonder what would have happened if the shoe were on the other foot. It appears that their Covenant like signs were wildly enthusiastic and not in a charitable mood when the game was being played. One reporter reported the Covenant temperament and mental state as, “Giddy with the mushrooming lead, excited parents, players and coaches realized, we could win this by 100! – a fabulous, unheard-of victory.” And so it went, in a piranha crazed atmosphere to hit the infamous century mark.

Let’s try and put this whole issue into a historical perspective. One of the more infamous sports blowouts was Georgia Tech’s 1916 lopsided football victory over Cumberland by a score of 222-0. History records little compassion directed towards the hapless Cumberland team, rather amazement at the ability of Georgia Tech to have scored that many points in forty-five minutes. Yes, the second half was cut short by fifteen minutes! Tech’s “level of success” of their athletic program has boasted of that victory. Times sure have changed…

Tech went 8-0-1 in 1916 and the Yellow Jackets’ coach was none other than the iconic and legendary John Heisman who is reputed to have deliberately run up the score against Cumberland in revenge for Cumberland running up a 22-0 score against Tech’s Heisman-coached baseball team a year earlier with a team mostly composed of professional players. From 1915 to 1917, Heisman's teams were undefeated, outscoring opponents during the 31-game winning streak 1,599 to 99. The Yellow Jackets won their first national championship in 1917.

We should note that Heisman while football coach at Clemson University in 1903 defeated Georgia Tech 73-0 so he already had a propensity for running up the score. Needless to say, Heisman’s reputation never suffered as the next year he was coaching at Tech and is now enshrined in the National football Foundation’s College Football Hall of Fame. The Downtown Athletic club of New York City annually presents the highly prestigious Heisman Memorial Trophy to the season's best nationwide collegiate football player and remains college football’s highest individual honor for a player. I would say that he was properly rewarded for his performance though it was a different place and time (no stigma here).

In 1968 the University of Houston football team defeated the University of Tulsa 100-6 with little resulting fanfare or controversy.

Most recently (October 18, 2008) we can look at the University of Southern California’s 69-0 (41-0 at halftime) victory over the University of Washington on the Huskies home turf at Martin Stadium in Pullman, WA . How sportsmanlike was that victory? Instead of apologizing an elated USC coach Pat Carroll stated, “Our guys had a ball playing football today, from the locker room on out," Coach Pete Carroll said. "Right from the start, we wanted to find that focus that we really hadn't had yet." I don’t see any humility or embarrassment in that statement if, indeed, that would have been appropriate.

Former Oklahoma basketball coach Billy Tubbs was notorious for running up scores. Among many examples, Tubb’s Oklahoma team scored 97 points against less than formidable US International University (now Alliant International University) ultimately winning by a 173-101 rout. When asked about his tendency to run up the score against inferior opponents Tubbs replied, “If they don't like it, they should get better." OK…

When the Oklahoma State Cowboys easily defeated Northwestern State by their largest margin of victory ever in a basketball game 82-36 last new years eve, there was nothing but a party atmosphere and elation on the team and certainly from their fans. It was a celebration… and a great feeling of accomplishment. Head coach Sean Sutton was nothing but laudatory about his team and their performance.

When the University of South Carolina defeated the Citadel in 2007 by 61 points (103-42) there was elation everywhere save on The Citadel side where USC “dumped the Citadel in historic fashion”. The crowd in a less than charitable mood when with 30 seconds left in the game and USC with 99 points they were chanting, “We want 100!” Indeed they got their century mark and then some. The relentless Gamecocks never showed any mercy and were rewarded with praise by their coach and fans while they anticipated their next game with, yep, Southern California who defeated the Gamecocks 85-75….. Goes around, comes around…

Now I know that golf ain’t basketball but why did Tiger Woods have the temerity and lack of sensitivity to defeat his competition by fifteen strokes in the U. S. Open in 2000, the largest margin of victory in a major championship? Couldn’t he just win by one stroke? Frank DeFord the iconic Sports Illustrated reporter commented on Woods’ dominance of the game by citing his “sheer determination” enough to justify naming Woods for an unprecedented second time, the SI Sportsman of the Year.

Methinks that J.D. Edgar, should be tarred and feathered for his sixteen stroke 1919 Canadian Open victory, the largest margin of victory in professional golf.

How did those girls on the Duncanville, Texas ChristWay basketball team feel losing to Arlington, Texas Oakridge 103–0 at the Arlington Christmas tournament in 1998? Well, probably not great though we never experienced this tempest in a teapot before.

We need note that the history of sport abounds with references of the absolute glory of dominating victories. We have deified our better performing athletes rewarding them with star like recognition and absurd mega bucks. We promote a winning at any cost mentality that promotes dishonesty on and off the field (see the He didn’t really catch that, did he? Might of Right Blog, Sunday, November 4, 2007), sometimes demeans the game and compromises the quality and integrity of our shared lives. So where do our student athletes and coaches get this attitude? Well, they get it from us – the parents and fans who live vicariously through their kids or favorite players and refuse to acknowledge those most human values of honesty, decency and humanity. They live for the moment and for the almighty dollar. These folks will debate that this is where we need to go in our life’s lessons whatever the venue: to take a hard and calculating approach to life with the victor taking all the spoils, whatever the margin. We at the Might of Right think that we can have it both ways.

The failure of most schools and athletic conferences/leagues to adopt a mercy rule (many have and even Heisman did) whereby a game is suspended when one team gains a predetermined and insurmountable advantage may seem a travesty to some including this writer. But there is another whole side to this issue.

Dan Lebowitz, executive director of the Center for the Study of Sport in Society at Northeastern University, offered a right-on analysis of the situation. "Sports should involve three things – cooperative spirit, healthy competition and sportsmanship." Agreed. Athletics have always been an excellent way to get and stay in shape (how fat can we get?), develop new skills and habits and most importantly, build character, self-esteem, sportsmanship, ethics and a sense of community. Sports competition does not generally (and shouldn’t) recognize class differences, how much money your parents have or your race, creed or culture or any other such criteria. The playing field should be equal and level for all with the final outcome of any contest being determined by the better performing athletes, period. As the Olympics have proclaimed since 1924, “Citius, altius, fortius”. (Swifter, Higher, Stronger).

What we must all demonstrate in our lives is a humanity tempered by the logic and common sense of our times. We need to address the question: How do we motivate our athletes to appropriately power down and not perform after we have instilled those disciplines and attitudes in them? Conversely by playing and bending to those well intended but blindfolded citizens who in a sick Kum By Ya angst would focus only on the “savaged feelings” of the losers of any contest, we lose sight of another valuable lesson. They end up empowering this lack of good sportsmanship and creating another generation of emotionally scarred, entitled citizens. However, it looks like the Ladies of Dallas Academy are having none of that.

Following their defeat Dallas Academy Athletic Director Jeremy Civello told his girls basketball team that they have learned a, “lesson in sportsmanship that will last them a lifetime.” Here, Here! So the lesson here is that failure/defeat and how you deal with it are equally important components of life experiences. It’s apparent that the members of the Dallas Academy Varsity girl’s basketball team have a firm perspective on what may be a low point for them. They will use that experience to gage their responses when dealing with more serious issues. I suspect that they will also know how to offer compassion and humility when confronted with similar circumstances in later life… As some wise folks have been want to offer, “You don’t have a firm perspective until you know where your bottom and top are…” Maybe, just maybe, these kids will evolve into the more responsible parents that will stop all this nonsense.

Players and coaches alike on teams that fail to honor the best tenets of sport that include honor, respect, integrity, et al will suffer the slings and arrows of indignation and either become professional athletes or CEOs of Wall Street Financial firms. Of course those are occupations that currently do not appear to embrace any high ideals thereby offering those industries a bountiful supply of candidates…

But seriously, how do we realistically deal with this situation? I got to thinking…. While a student at Ole Miss my fraternity (Sigma Phi Epsilon) sponsored a D Stocker racer, the Sig Epic, a 1964 Oldsmobile Cutlass, at the drag races at the now defunct Lakeland Dragway/International Raceway in nearby Memphis, Tennessee. The sanctioning body was and is the National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) who came up with the answer for handicapping racing vehicles in and out of class (Handicapping you say?). That answer was an electronic starting system that consists of a series of vertically-arranged lights known as a Christmas tree. The Christmas tree has a column of lights for each driver/lane consisting of staging lights and below that three large amber lights, a green light, and a red light. The tree in each lane depending on your handicap would flash faster or slower ostensibly giving the advantage to the lower rated competitor (getting the picture?).

Now our vehicle was a perennial winner and several times competed for the overall Top Drag Eliminator Championship at Lakeland. We always seemed to race another perennial winner, an M Stocker, a 1949 Studebaker coupe that would always be spotted close to one eighth of a mile on that quarter mile track. We never quite caught up or beat him though once we came as close as the nose of our Cutlass. This became the stuff that legends are now made of and prompted us on to greater and greater heights…. It motivated us to work harder in order to be better and entertained us in the process.

So, while we have precedent and an answer for our conundrum and it has been among us for many years, how to apply it? Good Friend and preeminent Dallas radio historian Bob Schumann collaborated with this writer and we have developed a modest and humble proposal (move over Jonathan Swift) that should eliminate individual and team competitive sprit thus reducing the sport of basketball to even lower and more manageable levels via a handicapping system.

We sincerely recommend the adoption of the Schumann Smores Quotient (SSQ) whereby underdogs or more appropriately PC motivated “Challenged” teams would receive points when the heavily favored, opposing handicapped team scores. For example, one aspect of this system would have the challenged team receiving an automatic three points when their opponents score two and matching points scored by their superior opponents at the foul line. Points scored by the “challenged” team would not be so reciprocated. Three point shots would be eliminated save for the last two minutes of each quarter though the challenged team would also automatically receive two points to their opponents three. The motivation, then, would be to not score using regular offensive sets, rather condensing the scoring opportunities to just a frenetic eight minutes of each forty minute game. Note that evenly matched teams would initially play the game without the Smores handicapping system though it could be invoked at any time by the Smores Referee [also inown as The Overseer (TO)] should a game get out of hand.

A critical aspect of the SSQ is the automatic awarding of “grace” points to the challenged or handicapped teams (fifteen for men and twelve for women) for each quarter played. Challenged teams would be able to keep their opponents in a losing mode should they try to play the game as Dr. Naismith intended. Some critics have opined that this might change the game though Schumann and this writer point out that there will be only winners and no losers or hurt feelings as the outcome of the game would always be predetermined and never in doubt. Thusly, the status quo and precedents as interpreted and administered by the Dallas, Texas Independent School System (DISD) would be maintained. Isn’t it nice to keep all these good feelings here at home?

So where do our Christmas tree lights enter the picture? Well, aside from the concept of handicapping the competition, when grace points are awarded one of four amber lights will be lit on the scoreboard at the behest of the challenged team coach who can receive the points at a time of his/her choosing or just let the points be awarded by quarter per the “tree”. For example, a challenged boy’s team could conceivably choose to take all their sixty points at the beginning of the game or in a grand manifestation of coaching strategy request them at critical moments in the contest.

Should a superior team prevail despite all the attempts to level the playing field the referee would be empowered to engage the red light signifying a mercy disqualification of that team for being too competitive. A continuously burning green light would signify that the game is being played under the SSQ. Honk if this sounds a little like Carousel in the 1976 cult movie Logan’s Run where society is managed and maintained in equilibrium in that case by requiring the death of everyone who reaches the maturity of twenty-one years. Hmmm…

As reporter Jacquielynn Floyd of The Dallas Morning News eloquently wrote the other day, “The Covenant School surely knows they lost this one. Why keep running up the score? And secondly, the whole point of this little morality play is to show a little mercy, to avoid using the advantage of the moment to crush your opponent to smithereens.” Well stated by Floyd who points out that we are wielding a two-edged sword.

Let’s leave well enough alone, adopt a mercy rule and encourage coaches and players to conduct themselves honorably, on and off the playing field, for once and forever. That failing, we will always have the Schumann Smores Quotient...

Aye,

Ned Buxton

WORLD ELEPHANT POLO CHAMPIONSHIPS: SCOTTISH TEAM CHOKES

In a ghastly turn of events the three time champion and heavily favored Scots Chivas Team was defeated by arch rival and “auld enemy” England and their Air Tusker Team in the World Elephant Polo Association (WEPA) World Championships at Tiger Tops in the Royal Chitwan National Park in Nepal in early December, 2008. The Scots have dominated the sport winning the Tiger Tops World Cup in 2001, 2004, & 2005 as well as the King’s Cup in Thailand in 2004 and 2005 and playing in the Pachyderm Polo Super Bowl the last three years.

This is not surprising when you consider that Scots co-invented the sport in 1982 in the persons of Scot James Manclark, international polo player, former Olympian and British bobsled champion and A. V. Jim Edwards an English expatriate and Father of eco-tourism who settled in Nepal and owns the host Tiger Tops resort. The ingenious Manclark is, no doubt, proud of his achievement which puts him in the exclusive company of Scottish inventors who have literally changed the face of our planet. This invention probably had more to do with the consumption of that fine blended spirit, Chivas Regal than anything else.

We should note that the ranks of elephant polo players have included the likes of one of my great heroes, the late great explorer and first conqueror of nearby Mount Everest, Sir Edmund Hillary; Scotland’s own, the 13th Duke of Argyll; Michigander actor, martial artist, singer and producer/director Steven Seagal; tennis great Bjorn Borg; Liverpudlian and ex-Beatle Ringo Starr and many, many more.

The always right-on American CBS Sunday Morning TV show recently featured the world tournament by following the underdog American team, the thirty-something New York Blue who had prepared for the match sans elephants by practicing swinging at little white balls with clubs improvised from plumbing piping whilst strapped to the roofs of two SUV’s negotiating the challenges posed by a deserted New York Atlantic beachside parking lot. While The Blue were ultimately outclassed by their much more experienced competition in the WEPA tournament, they did earn the undying if not tongue-in-cheek admiration of all they encountered. But, more later – back to the, uh, game…

Despite the motivating and charismatic presence of the great Highland Bagpipes, Scotland's Chivas were defeated by the Sassenachs by a six to one score that appears lopsided though the Scots, who have dominated the sport since its inception in 1982, were the aggressors throughout the match.

The Scots put themselves in an early hole in the championship game and because of defensive lapses not so faintly reminiscent of the recent collapse of the incredibly talented (on paper) NFL Dallas Cowboys, were down early four goals to none. England from that point played a defensive game with Scotland managing only one score from that point. Attack after attack was made on the English goal with shots marginally errant reminding this American with an historical perspective that Bonnie Prince Charlie’s spirit had to be around given the futility of their effort and their apparently superior force. It was Culloden all over again. In recognition of their team strengths the Scots retained their number one world ranking despite the loss. Would that Bonnie Prince Charlie have allowed Lord George Murray to lead, we would all have a Scot’s burr…

The Chivas Scots captain, Torquhil Ian Campbell, well known and beloved in the American Scottish Community as the "MacCailean Mòr" (Son of Great Colin), Chief of the Clan Campbell and the 13th Duke of Argyll has long been a sponsor of this event proving once again that he and the Campbells have a sense of humor and carry on to this day despite the everlasting disgrace of the 1692 Massacre of Glencoe (lest we forget - not a cheap shot – their burden).

Not so coincidentally the 13th Duke is the highly respected Asia-Pacific manager for Chivas Brothers. Ltd., the whisky company that counts Chivas Regal as its main blended Scotch brand and sponsors his Elephant Polo Team and elephant polo worldwide. Chivas is owned by French spirits giant Pernod Ricard (the auld alliance lives!) who also manufactures Jameson® Irish Whiskey, The Glenlivet® Single Malt Scotch Whisky, Wild Turkey® Bourbon (one of my Kentucky favorites), and many other world famous premium spirit brands.

The world’s best elephant polo player and prolific goal scorer is one Peter Prentice, an expatriate Englishman and VP for Chivas Brothers in Asia Pacific who is player manager for the Chivas Team and one of its major inspirations. Peter is the former captain of the Chivas team who puts this whole affair in proper and honest perspective by admitting that his best performances have always been, “At the bar orchestrating tidal waves of Chivas Manhattans for any unsuspecting opposition.” No doubt that this is a huge marketing commitment for Chivas which has developed their Chivas Regal brand into the top world player. Their 18 year old remains my favorite Scotch blend (along with the Low Flyer - Famous Grouse) and that almost consumed 2007 Christmas present from son Geb Buxton. Also, lest we forget, the elephant polo event has raised thousands and thousands of dollars and pounds for less fortunate populations that reside in that part of the world. We say, well done and continue with the show! Back to the Game…

The BBC reported Scottish Captain Campbell’s bravado and rhetoric following the defeat, "Albeit we are disappointed to once again be at the wrong end of a final, we remain hugely proud of our historic success in this incredibly demanding sport. We are also delighted to have successfully reconfirmed our status as Number One in the official WEPA World rankings thanks to making it to the finals – no mean feat in itself!” ”Indeed, there are not many sports in which Scotland enjoys global leadership and with our recent record, no one can deny that Scotland is now one of the world's true sporting heavyweights”. Right?

It is with great suspicion that we note that among other elephant polo players two members of the New York Blue, Bill Keith and Chip Frazier, as, well as the captain of the English Air Tuskers Team, Robert McKenzie, and players like McDougal, McMillan, MacKay, Anderson, Currie and others have names that conjure much more Scottish than English connections. We also note that the 13th Duke of Argyll is the only Scottish member of the Scottish Elephant Polo Team? What’s going on here? We again embrace an historical perspective noting the English Duke of Cumberland had in his 1746 Drummossie Moor ranks a substantial Scots contingent including the Clans Campbell, Gunn, MacKay, Sutherland, Munro, Ross, Grant and others. So, it goes that when the Scots weren’t fighting others, they were fighting amongst themselves… It is good to note that while the 13th Duke of Argyll’s ancestors were fighting on the wrong side in 1745 they are now on the “correct” albeit losing side. A manly consolation…

All this nationalist posturing aside, it certainly appears that the success of any team rides solely on the shoulders of the elephants and the mahouts, the mostly native trainers and handlers who also ride on the elephants and direct them via of verbal commands and by applying pressure to the back of the elephant’s ears with their bare feet. The player communicates to the mahout where he wishes to go - which is easier said than done considering that most of the mahouts, and ALL the elephants, only understand Nepali. The teams swap elephants and mahouts at half time so that no one team has the advantage of superior handlers.

Speaking of advantage, it was noted that the Chivas team tended to wisely refuel their mahouts with Cokes whilst in their service while other teams resorted to other fortified beverages which ultimately put their teams at a disadvantage. Aha, a strategy is born!

While this is, no doubt, a charity event, it would appear to be a premier social event and playground for the rich and famous and as one observer noted, “The opportunity to hobnob with friends you haven’t seen since the quail-hunting season”. One competitor in a fit of honesty validated the strategy of Chivas team manager Peter Prentice by openly proclaiming that it was his ultimate goal to, “win in the bar”.

But, back to our own New York Blue team who despite taking the favored Nepal Tiger Top Tuskers to overtime, had to settle for the silver medal in the amateur Chivas Olympic Quaiche Finals. Consistent with other American teams in the past The Blue were gifted with the very popular and coveted ‘Best Dressed Team Award’ which was attributed to Blue sponsors and haberdashers Levi Strauss and Converse. We also note that one member of the New York Blue, Ricky Smith from Wisconsin, made history by being the first ever American to win the much exalted ‘Dominic Monaghan Oscar Award for the best off-field performance’. One reporter noted that, “Smith remained a beacon of charm & flair throughout the tournament.” Nobody’s talking though someone recently speculated that it recognizes the emulation of the capacity of former Hobbit (Meriadoc Brandybuck) Monaghan’s great ability to make everlasting friends…

In closing we invoke the passion and memory of one Robert Mackenzie, captain of the winning Sassenach Air Tusker team who in true Scots obligatory tradition downed a large dram of Chivas (no doubt from a Quaich) in appreciation of his adversary’s Scottish spirit. We suspect he was also saluting his own indomitable pedigree and would that we could lure him to the Chivas Team!

For all you American Scots out there please note that Polo America is organizing an American team to compete in the 2009 World Elephant Polo Championship at Tiger Tops in the Royal Chitwan National Park in Nepal. Individuals interested in playing on the USA Elephant Polo Team should contact Polo America at (760) 777-8081. No experience necessary save a sense of adventure, a charitable spirit and a high tolerance for Chivas Regal (drink responsibly, please). See you in Nepal...

Aye,

Ned Buxton