GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND - SATISFACTION

The most recent November 2007, 48-0 drubbing that the Miami Hurricanes took at the hands of the mediocre (despite their record) Virginia Cavaliers seemed most fitting even as Miami was celebrating their seventy year home venue in the Orange Bowl. The Hurricanes are seemingly going the way of the deteriorating Orange Bowl which is scheduled for demolition in early January 2008. I for one find this trend most predictable and very satisfying – a payback for all those years of thuggery that gave football yet another black eye and set the stage for the lack of integrity that the game now, uh, enjoys?

A proud institution with a great reputation, football or not, the University of Miami seemingly put all its eggs in its football basket even in the wake of a 1995 NCAA declaration that the University had, “lost institutional control over its athletic program.” That was soon followed by a controversial Sports Illustrated cover story urging the university to drop their football program.

That didn’t happen and Hurricane football fortunes didn’t appear to suffer as Miami continued to build one of the great dynasties of college football earning bowl berths in all subsequent years and BCS national championship honors in 2001.

Still they couldn’t shake the reputation and historic image as a haven for thugs as they continued to recruit convicted felons (Willie Williams, 2004). Their arrogance and on-field play contradicted the magnitude of their “honorable” achievements. The trash/smack-talking Hurricanes have evolved their football game to the level of television wrestling where players having tackled a runner and ended a play, have routinely held the runner down and then stepping even on his helmet as they leave the area. No wonder lineman and other players immediately come to the aid of their fellow players as they unpile - lest they are injured.

Miami Football evolved into a gladiatorial, aggressive in-your-face encounter in the hood seemingly epitomized the startling recent taunting incidents that have plagued both college and professional football. Witness the recent Kevin Burnett (Tennessee not Miami) of the Cowboys who was recently fined $5,000 by the NFL for a taunting incident involving the NY Giants huge running back Brandon Jacobs. Burnett looked down at Jacobs who was still on the ground - on his back - and was screaming manically at him. While anyone who stops this incredibly talented, 6’ 4” 264 pound running back should be very proud, that little outburst cost the Cowboys dearly and potentially the football game. It’s good to see the NFL take action.

As an old hockey player I guess that intimidation is OK to a degree but when trash mouthing, cheap shots, other unsportsmanlike conduct and playing to the referee (REALLY, I caught it!) becomes an integral part of the game, it’s time to reset our clocks. We need a new mind set that will elevate the might of right and not the lowly behavior of thugs that characterized Miami football as late as 2006.

What about the December 2005 Peach Bowl where the LSU Tigers hammered the hapless Miami team 40-3. Miami’s violent mindset and attitude got them in trouble again when after the game LSU receiver Dwayne Bowe, from Miami, playfully took a Miami football from good Friend and Miami linebacker Joe Beason while the two teams were leaving the field. Some Miami players saw Bowe with a Miami football and to the horror of Beason assumed the worst and confronted Bowe in the LSU exit way (smart!). Helmet swinging and the fighting began with Miami coming up well short in this confrontation (violence begets violence). I ask, where were the coaches?

September 16, 2006 appears to be the acceleration of the great decline, witness the Hurricanes away game with the Louisville Cardinals. Before the start of their contest damn near the entire Hurricanes' roster jumped up and down on the Cardinals logo at midfield – behavior that could only have been construed as the ultimate lack of respect and unsportsmanlike conduct. The Louisville Cardinals responded by punctuating that ridiculous act by pounding the Hurricanes 31-7. I ask again, where were the coaches?

Not even one month later who can now forget the chilling third quarter of the Hurricane’s October 14, 2006 game with cross-town rival and substantial underdog Florida International University (FIU) which had only been playing football for five years. Miami and FIU engaged in a free-for-all brawl in which players threw punches, swung helmets and heaped even further disgrace on their program.

Doug Lederman of InsideHigherEd.com captured the essence of the problem at Miami when he wrote in 2006, “Perhaps the most troubling moment came once the melee had ended, after police officers had driven the teams back to their respective sidelines. There, as the referees decided what penalties to mete out and the two teams’ coaches tried to restore peace, the Miami players huddled en masse and began jumping with their helmets aloft, in apparent celebration. After what had just unfolded, what they were celebrating was not clear.” Where were the coaches?

The red warning flag should have already been flying like the hurricane flags before Hurricane Katrina especially noting that the above was the third on-field incident in seven games not including other off-field incidents that included shootings and accusations against Miami football players. Perhaps we can get Mike Nifong a job in Miami – lots of fertile ground and he wouldn’t have to lie?

Following the Miami-FIU brawl, University of Miami President Donna Shalala exacerbated the situation as follows.

“I believe that the young men we have recruited for our football team are young men of great character. But they did a very bad thing. This university will be firm and punish people who do bad things. But we will not throw any student under the bus for instant restoration of our image or our reputation. I will not hang them in a public square. I will not eliminate their participation at the university. I will not take away their scholarships. It’s time for the feeding frenzy to stop. These young men made a stupid, terrible, horrible mistake and they are being punished.”

Though, no doubt, some players should have been charged criminally, Shalala’s idea of punishment was one game suspensions as the football players laughed all the way to their lockers.

Peter Roby, Director of Northeastern University’s Center for the Study of Sport in Society reflected more macro concerns. Roby wondered about the messages being sent to our youth and the potential of criminal charges that should have been filed (that never were) against the involved football players. Further exclaiming that the local district attorney had the right to say, “We can’t allow this type of thing to happen just because it’s on the field of play.”

Many years ago (for two years) I refereed in the Cobb County, Georgia Youth Football League. One of the stipulations of that league was that all players on the roster were required to play. Midway through the third quarter I always conferred with the coaches and let them know that I would be expecting to see all players get some game time.

As expected, many games were competitive with fourth quarter performance critical to the outcome of the game. Yes, those that were riding the bench were probably the least talented on their teams though they had the right to be involved in the game per league rules. When I invoked the rules the anguish/vitriol and profanity that gushed from the parents in the stands was incredible. I was chewed out and threatened (nose to nose) time after time by onerous parents that were living vicariously through their kids who witnessed these immature outbursts. This then is the tone and the values that many of these kids grew up with and took to high school and college. Needless to say, many officials, including me, quit because of this abuse.

I am reminded of the Comcast Sports Southeast color analyst and former University of Miami player Lamar Thomas who, as the Miami and FIU brawl raged out of control, exclaimed on live national TV,

"Now, that's what I'm talking about. You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the Orange Bowl playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing. I say, why don't they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ball game and get it on some more? You don't come into the Orange Bowl, baby," Thomas said. "We've had a down couple years but you don't come in here talking smack. Not in our house."

By the way, this is the same Lamar Thomas who was:

· Arrested and jailed for aggravated battery for attacking his pregnant fiancée with a deadly weapon.

· Arrested for violating probation.

· Detained for brandishing a handgun and threatening suicide, prompting authorities to check him in to a mental institution.

· Did jail time for again violating probation related to the battery charges, when he was arrested for again choking his fiancée. His six-month old son was present at the scene.

Fittingly, and a sign that business is slowly coming to its senses, Lamar Thomas was fired for his ridiculous, immature outburst. If he had only been held to a stricter standard before then maybe he wouldn’t have had his trouble with the law and still have his job with Comcast.

Maybe when the University of Miami administration gets their heads straight and the Hurricanes move to Dolphin Stadium in 2008 there can be a new start and parents will, once again, want to send their talented sons to the University of Miami to play football. Until then, if you continue to recruit thugs you’ll get hoodlum activity on the gridiron. Goes around, comes around.

Aye,

Ned Buxton

ALSATIAN WOLF DOG?

My Father, Coburn Allen Buxton, operated a highly regarded and well-known kennel in Dallas, Texas where he raised German Shepherds for many years. He named it Brunonia Kennels to honor Brown University where he attended for two years and where many other Buxtons (including his Father and Uncle) have called their academic home. Indeed, Buxton House still exists on that Providence campus as a testament and memorial of the life of Colonel G. Edward Buxton, Jr. By the way, Brunonia Kennels still remains within the Buxton domain. Dad generated many champions to especially include Susan of Flowdale who was also my literal constant companion as I grew up. Yes, I was a Brown Man Born though am Ole Miss proud.

I was reminded by my Mother (many times and generally in adult mixed company) of that time when at two years of age and within an enclosure inside our fenced front yard, I managed to remove all my clothing and negotiate those boundaries and go on a great summer quest down the searing and bubbly hot asphalt of Meadowbrook Lane in Preston Hollow.

Some horrified and many bemused neighbors tried to approach this beautiful specimen of a tot and rescue him from the elements that I apparently preferred at that point. They couldn’t get within ten feet of this kid as his dog, (yep) Susan of Flowdale shielded the lad and kept all those who would do him harm - away. She was literally by my side as I circumnavigated the cul-de-sac several times and started to wander towards Walnut Hill Lane. At the behest of these concerned neighbors Mother finally came out and retrieved me though I was in good hands/paws.

So what does all that have to do with our world in 2007? Well, I just came across a joke distributed by a large and well regarded Scottish newspaper that goes as follows:

“Lateral Thinking

A school bus, full of primary school kids, was taking them home one day when a fire engine, lights flashing and siren sounding loudly, zoomed past. The kids crowded to the windows and were surprised to see a large Alsatian sitting in the front seat of the fire engine. The children began to discuss what the dog was going to do at the fire. One youngster suggested "They use him to keep crowds back." Another kid said firmly "He's just there for good luck." A third child, who would obviously go far in life due to his ability to think "out of the box" surmised: "They use the dog to find the fire hydrant."

Alsatian did you say? I am reminded by history that Alsatian was a World War One propaganda term for the German Shepherd dog. Well before that, Charlemagne’s empire building was compromised on his death in 841 by his sons who accelerated the controversy over Alsace. Even to “modern times” Alsace was a part of Germany until 1648 when the Treaty of Westphalia gave Alsace to France. Comes along the Franco-Prussian War that saw Germany once again regain Alsace in 1870. Comes along WWI when France annexed Alsace back in 1918. Then, of course, we had that Hitler thing back in 1940-1945 and the ultimate (for now) restoration to France of the Alsace region.

In the wake of WWI anti-German sentiment was still very high and prompted many to literally change German-oriented names. That included the English Kennel Club who in 1919 gave the German Shepherd a separate register, the Alsatian, a name that is apparently still used throughout the UK. The breed became known as the Alsatian Wolf Dog (Gads!). It wasn’t until 1977 that this tag was dropped by the British Kennel Club though the animal had long been known in the USA, Australia and most other countries as the German Shepherd dog. I never heard Dad call them by any other name and that dates from the very early 1950’s.

So here we are in the 21st century and we see the remnants of WWI propaganda still being used in our world the least of which is the example we cite here. Lest some think this an old joke resurrected for our contemporary enjoyment, we need note use of the terms “think out of the box” and “lateral thinking”, were certainly not used until very recent times.

Maybe this is one of those terms that used to excess has lost its meaning and now has become the norm - though I take offense with its use given its original intent. As the inheritor of Mowgli, Romulus and Remus, I would think that Susan of Flowdale (May she rest in peace) was much too sensitive and wouldn’t like to be known as an Alsatian Wolf Dog.

Rah, Rah, Brunonia, BROWN, BROWN, BROWN.

Aye,

Ned Buxton

HE DIDN’T REALLY CATCH THAT, DID HE?

The Reverend Fredric J. Muir, of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Annapolis, Maryland was so impressed with a story told by Stephen Carter, American law professor, writer, columnist and the William Nelson Cromwell Professor of Law at Yale Law School in his book Integrity (Harper Collins, 1996) that he made it the focus for one of his many moving sermons which he appropriately titled, With Integrity.

The Reverend Muir recounts Carter’s words which reflect my sentiments,

“A couple of years ago as I sat watching a television football game with my children, trying to explain to them what was going on, I was struck by an event I had often noticed but on which I had never reflected. A player who failed to catch a ball thrown his way hit the ground, rolled over, and then jumped-up, celebrating as though he had caught the pass after all. The referee was standing in a position that did not give him a good view of what had happened, was fooled by the player's pretense, and so moved the ball down the field. The player rushed back to the huddle so that his team could run another play before the officials had a chance to review the play.

National Football League officials can watch a television replay and change their call, as long as the next play has not been run. But viewers at home have the benefit of the replay (from many different angles), and we saw what the referee missed: the ball lying on the ground instead of snug in the receiver's hands. The only comment from the broadcasters: "What a heads-up play!" Meaning: "Wow, what a great liar this kid is! Well done!"

Let's be very clear: that is exactly what they meant. The player set out to mislead the referee and succeeded; he helped his team to obtain an advantage in the game that it had not earned. It could not have been accidental. He knew he did not catch the ball.

By jumping up and celebrating, he was trying to convey a false impression. He was trying to convince the officials that he had caught the ball. And the officials believed him. So, in any ordinary understanding of the word, he lied. And that, too, is what happens to integrity in American life: if we happen to do something wrong, we would just as soon have nobody point it out.

Now, suppose that the player had instead gone to the referee and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but I did not make the catch. Your call is wrong." Probably his coach and teammates and most of his team's fans would have been furious: he would not have been a good team player. The good team player lies to the referee, and does so in a manner that is at once blatant (because millions of viewers see it) and virtually impossible for the referee to detect.

Having pulled off this trickery, the player is congratulated: he is told that he has made a heads-up play. Thus, the ethic of the game turns out to be an ethic that rewards cheating. Perhaps I should have been shocked. Yet, thinking through the implications of our celebration of a national sport that rewards cheating, I could not help but recognize that we as a nation too often lack integrity, which might be described, in a loose and colloquial way, as the courage of one's convictions.”

I certainly agree with the Rev Muir and Stephen Carter that integrity remains a major issue though I question whether it necessarily relates to one’s convictions. If rejecting honesty and integrity (the absence of a moral code) is a convention by itself, then we may agree. I believe that many in our society sincerely believe (viscerally) that the end justifies the means not unlike Michael Douglas’ Gordon Gekko character in the 1987 movie Wall Street where anything goes in his pursuit of the almighty dollar.

There’s a new energy in the old paradigm that all’s fair in love/war/business and in all aspects of our lives! It certainly appears that the only real negative admonition for not telling the truth is “Don’t get caught.” Instant replay on both the collegiate and professional sports levels and a renewed oversight in the business community (move over Dennis Kozlowski and Ken Lay) has further revealed the festering sore of our failing morality.

No need to get all George Washington misty and invoke the cherry-tree incident, the faux Parson Mason Locke Washingtonian legend that had George admitting that he had cut down the fictional apple tree? The act despicable though the sentiment admirable, punctuates a moral code that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. High Schools and colleges are now required to teach our children how to be honest and ethical. Bottom line: parents are not teaching their kids about honesty and many bookstores even sell books that teach their readers how to cheat?

Cheating has become acceptable behavior and a terrible influence that so-called “role models” (whether they be baseball or football players or businessmen) are having on our kids. Our children and the generations that follow are all seemingly doomed to fall into a moral abyss.

Now, just as soon as I’ve communicated that sentiment I can recall a Williams College football team and specifically their game with Amherst in 1961 on a cold, muddy, November Massachusetts field which was eventually won by Williams, 12-0. In this Biggest Little Game in America I learned a life lesson of honesty and integrity. For me it remains the best and most significant football game I have ever watched.

The field was filled with non-scholarship players (many without face masks) who bathed in mud, literally gave everything they had to earn a victory that would help define their collegiate experience. Former Williams College coach Dick Farley was known to say before each Amherst game, "Three hours to play, a lifetime to remember." Those words guided their actions which were shared by all the players on the field that day.

I remember one player (forgot whether it was Amherst or Williams) credited with a catch who honestly admitted that he had not caught the ball. This was no big deal, rather shrugged off instantly as just another aspect of the game. After all, is football played any other way? Today that act would literally make headlines on FOX and CNN .

Well, now comes along Charles Rozell "Chuck" Swindoll the senior pastor of the Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas who in his The Tale of The Tardy Oxcart, shares insights from his lifelong collection of his and others' personal stories, sermons, and anecdotes. One such story punctuates our theme.

“There was a young Christian man at a Southern university. He made the football team as the starting split end. And he continually was before God saying, "Help me in the climax of moments to be absolutely honest. I pray for honesty--that one mark of integrity. I want to be that, Lord, and I'll work on it through the season."

The rival team came that night, homecoming. He ran his route and went into the end zone. The quarterback shot him the pass and he got it low. He landed on it, and the referee shouted, "Touchdown!" But that boy knew he had trapped the ball. (For you who aren't into that, it means that he didn't really catch it. He landed on it while it was on the ground and it looked like he caught it). The stands were just cheering, you know, sending him on his way as the hero of the game. He said, "Wait a minute." Can you imagine this?: walked up to the referee and shook his head. He said, "I trapped it." The referee canceled the touchdown and they lost the game.

Now you may not understand much about football, but you know what it is to be a fan. And that boy stood all alone, not only against a team that said, "What does it matter, man?" but against the stands full of people. He said, ‘I can't take the credit. I did not catch it.’”

We don’t know nor did Swindoll reflect on the ultimate consequences of this young man’s honesty. We are, however, further reminded of an incident of honesty with documented consequences as related by Canadian Jim Clemmer who regularly comments on items of interest in our society.

“Seven-year-old first baseman, Tanner Munsey, fielded a ground ball and tried to tag a runner going from first to second base. The umpire, Laura Benson, called the runner out, but young Tanner immediately ran to her side and said, "Ma'am, I didn't tag the runner." Umpire Benson reversed herself, sent the runner to second base, and Tanner's coach gave him the game ball for his honesty.

Two weeks later, Laura Benson was again the umpire and Tanner was playing shortstop when a similar play occurred. This time Benson ruled that Tanner had missed the tag on a runner going to third base, and she called the runner safe. Tanner looked at Benson and, without saying a word, tossed the ball to the catcher and returned to his position. Benson sensed something was wrong. "Did you tag the runner?" she asked Tanner. "Yes," he replied. Benson then called the runner out. The opposing coaches protested until she explained what had happened two weeks earlier. "If a kid is that honest," she said, "I have to give it to him."

So, we see that honesty is ultimately rewarded as trust was established between player and umpire. What a grand life lesson this incident offers! You might like to know that Tanner was drafted by the Minnesota Twins in 2000 and is now a catcher with the Cleveland Indians organization.

The smoke and mirrors of exorbitant money and self-aggrandizement has corrupted all levels of modern professional sports. Many professional athletes have even developed a disdain for the fans, rules of the game and for the rule of law. In an ultimate paradox many of those competitors who kneel in prayer with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes before and following their games lie, cheat and deceive in order to bring victory to their camp. The so-called Christian concepts of honesty and integrity are left in the backwash of victory - whatever the cost. Legendary Packer coach Vince Lombardi would have rejected a victory won at the expense of honesty and integrity.

Our desire to have our place in the sun, to win, to achieve fame has to be balanced by principles of integrity. As Carter continues, “We need to encourage and promote wholeness, completeness, the undivided self, the summation of emotional, physical and spiritual life - we are all about integrity.” Athletes, at least, need to be counseled to play the game, not the referees.

I recommend that we reward those who embrace and live by the principles of honesty and integrity and punish those athletes who lie and cheat their way to mediocrity or stardom. Players caught cheating (especially documented in a replay situation) should be red-flagged, booted from a game and sanctioned by the league. Teams should be penalized both during and after the game (read my lips Coach Belichick).

Some folks wax eloquent and state that pushing boundaries is only human and comes natural to us. That humanity, however, cannot remain an excuse to cheat and gain an unfair advantage. Those that admit a Jekyll & Hyde personality that reflects both good and evil; that cheating and being a good sport are normal and a reflection of our humanity are just plain missing the mark. These are the ultimate enablers and an incredible part of the problem.

NBC Sports commentator Jimmy Roberts recently placed a New Year’s wish that would see, “a football or baseball player admit to an official that he didn’t really catch the ball – that it hit the ground.”

Now that would be something to see! Wouldn’t that cause a ruckus! If we could just replay that November, 1961 Williams-Amherst football game where, for reasons no greater or less than honor and integrity, those student athletes competed on the gridiron?

Aye,

Ned Buxton

MUCK AND MIRE OF HALLOWEEN

To nobody's surprise Halloween is now steeped in the muck and mire of witches, ghosts and evil goblins far from the reality of the origins of the Celtic festival of Samhain to Old Hallow’s Eve or even the modern Mexican Day of The Dead (El Dia de los Muertos).

I just saw a story on NBC where one American homeowner has amassed an army of ghoulish creatures that include animated skeletons - some of whom puke green slime - all encamped in front of his house which is fully covered with Halloween ornamentation. He conservatively estimated that his investment was easily in the six figures. Yikes! All this punctuates that Halloween is mostly a commercial event second only to Christmas in dollars spent for decorations.

For most Americans the Halloween season sparks a renewed interest in all things macabre and finds such classic horror movie hits as Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Wolf Man and more modern offerings like Rosemary's Baby, Night of the Living Dead, The Omen, Poltergeist, Friday the 13th, Freddy vs. Jason, Carrie, Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Halloween, and a multitude of other horror flicks seasonally replayed with the intent to induce cardiac arrest or at the least a good strong A fib or PVC.

But, is that what Halloween is all about? Absolutely Not. Once again, we don’t have it right. Like all other major holidays Halloween is the modern product of the Christian Church (blame the Catholics) and marketers who have seemingly built our national persona on the back of this holiday and other legends and lore in the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Ca-Ching!

The reality is that the Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced Sow-Wayne) was not a ghoulish god of the dead, rather a celebration of the end of summer – a joyous harvest festival – that marked the end of the old year and start of a new one. With the premeditated help of the brand-spanking-new Christian church and conservative Christians, then and now, Samhain has been perverted for most into a “fearsome night, a dreaded night, a night in which great bonfires were lit to Samana the Lord of Death.“ Aside from the fact that no such god existed and that most of our “modern” ghouls and goblins and all “wicked spirits” have evolved from this well-planned rewriting of history, it appears that the modern conception of Halloween has become de rigueur, manna to modern commercial marketing pros – pass the corn candy, please.

The Church, intent on eliminating any trace of old Druidic customs and anything Pagan, embraced Samhain. But they turned it one-hundred and eighty degrees off center and introduced the then foreign concept of the devil – that they would be protected from him by embracing Christianity? They forever robbed their mostly uncooperative parishioners of their innocence and set the stage for the modern church celebrations of All Hallows’ Eve, All Saints Day and All Souls’ Day. These celebrations were eventually merged in many cultures because of their close proximity and Halloween became a festival of Christian dead.

With the Christian concept of The Devil and the “Jesus-is-Savior" assurances that Wicca worships the devil (though they don’t even recognize any such entity) and the contemporary recognition by many conservative Christians who would have you believe that Harry Potter, the Teletubbies and PBS’s Barney the Dragon are all personifications of the devil, the absolute reality of evil spirits and you have the recipe for our modern American Halloween tradition. Aside from cute little youngsters in Bunny and Captain Jack Sparrow costumes trick or treating with their parents, there seems little redeeming grace in this festival.

On an upwardly positive note the Mexican Day of the Dead which saw its origins over 4000 years ago when the ancient Olmecs and later Aztecs remembered and annually revered their dead is worthy of our note. The Catholic Church came along and like the above chronology, tried to pervert that celebration. It would appear that the church was far less successful with our Mesoamerican Brothers and Sisters for the Day of the Dead remains a healthy, respectful celebration that memorializes and welcomes the souls of the dead back to an earthly plane where for a brief time they can once again enjoy the pleasures of the living. The Day of the Dead which lasts up to three weeks is not a scary time, rather a Family-centered celebration that replaces the sorrow of death with a vibrant festival of life.

Those with ulterior agendas proclaim that the food offered by Mexican families to their dead during this celebration is an attempt to placate or bribe them when in fact; they are literally feeding their loved ones while they are back among us. The living offer bread, sugar (sugar skull, anyone?) and even booze for the adults. They bring toys for the children and decorate their graves with orange marigolds in order to attract their departed loved ones. This is certainly an appropriate festival that celebrates Family and puts death in its proper perspective.

Another group of folks who have this day in perspective includes the recruiting Employees of a well known Texas company (where I recently did some recruiting) who used the holiday to positively enhance their Employee morale and team building efforts. A pumpkin decorating contest and other games with prizes, gifts, kudos by management and an impressive lunch catered by the Employees and company well-served their organization. Well done!

While I probably won’t be trick or treating this year I will be monitoring the front door though only after I have mixed up my favorite Dia de los Muertos beverage - a Margarita anjeo. Later, I intend to curl up in my favorite chair and read Washington Irving’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and then Tam O’Shanter by Scottish Poet Laureate Robert Burns all the while eating some candy corn.

Thanks, Aye

Ned Buxton

WATER, WATER NOT IN ATLANTA

I was just over on Weather.com the internet presence of The Weather Channel (TWC) and saw a great piece, Canary in the Coal Mine done by Tim Liotta, Managing Editor of TWC's Forecast Earth who was documenting the effects of the terrible drought they are experiencing over in Atlanta and many other parts of the southeast. The article was well done and should be a wake up call for all those who have heretofore taken our natural resources for granted.

As a former resident of Georgia and one who has frequently paddled The Hooch and played in the formerly plenteous waters of Lakes Sidney Lanier and Allatoona, I commiserate with my many Friends and Family yet in Georgia. Allatoona is near bone-dry and Lake Lanier is nearing a historic low with some predicting that with a dry winter the old bed of the Chattahoochee River may even be revealed. Aesthetics aside, there is real concern over the even near-term prospects of the sufficiency of their drinking water supply (90 days?) with all outdoor watering, lengthy showers, etc all banned. We might want to check to see what effect this may have on Atlanta population surges nine months hence – share a shower with a Friend!

This already critical situation is being further exacerbated with the mandated U. S. Army Corps of Engingineer releases of the dwindling, remaining water of Lake Lanier in order to maintain populations of endangered freshwater Florida mussell and fish populations. Environment and politics aside, the current mandates obviously favor our bivalve Friends much to the chagrin of Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue and most of the residents of Georgia.

That said, one wonders if this isn't a Darwinian exercise as the ever increasing population of the Atlanta metropolitan area (1970's 1,763,626 to the present 5,314,283+ folks) hasn't been matched with an equally responsible effort to increase water resources. The expansion of water treatment facilities is inadequate as the primary source for those waters remain the Chattahoochee River/Lake Lanier and Lake Allatoona. Bottom line: Atlanta has outgrown it's water supply.

Despite that dose of reality I thought to offer some comfort to those in the Southeast by admitting that I am here in North Texas and yes, we went through the same thing for a little over two years prior to the spring of 2007. All local lakes (artificial contrivances of the State of Texas) were close to bone dry and water rationing was real and set to go to yet another level. Entrepreneurial sorts were buying up water rights in Oklahoma and in East Texas anticipating a cash bonanza as the drought worsened.

Then, as Mother Nature would have it, all hell broke loose with major rains and flooding along with those predictable Texas tornadoes and severe thunderstorms that punctuate the excesses that seem to characterize the great Republic of Texas. Nearby Lake Lavon that was over 30 feet down is now near normal pool as are most of the other lakes in North Texas.

Accept the assurances of a still Southeastern US wannabe; the drought will break and North Georgia will once again return to the comfortable and substantial environment it once was. I hope that relief will be without the attendant severe storms and flooding that plagued Texas. Please pay attention to our ever growing urban populations and our seemingly ever decreasing natural resources and remember this lesson.

I think most of us here in Texas have a far greater appreciation for those resources we once took for granted. That failing, a visit and fine by the “Water Police” from Dallas and many of the surrounding municipalities will put the issue in proper perspective. Fines for illegal water use in Fulton and Douglas County, Georgia are now going as high as $1,000.00. That’s enough to make one join the Friends of the Earth! Anyone for Fish and Mussells Normandie?

Aye,

Ned Buxton

IDIOT SIGHTINGS: THEY'RE EVERYWHERE

A good Friend recently sent me an ever-evolving e-mail called “Idiot Sightings” that features examples of the ever downward spiraling idiotic things that people say and do – everyday.

They recently included a technician who insisted that a customer purchase a greater powered motor for his garage door opener - ¼ vs. ½ horsepower – four is greater than two?, the Dallas County deputy who plugged her power strip back on itself and was absolutely confounded when her computer wouldn’t start and the dimwit who wrote his state DOT admonishing them to relocate a deer crossing sign as too many deer were being killed there. There’s lots more and while I eagerly anticipate learning about my fellow human beings’(?) foibles I realized the other day that I have another avenue to experience these same deficiencies.

It’s a popular FOX TV program called “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Hosted by ex IBMer and Redneck comic Jeff Foxworthy who seems to be perfect foil for the idiots they pick as contestants. This Southerner likes the seemingly appropriate lashings that Foxworthy dishes out to the mostly Yankee erudite wannabes that include many honor graduates who obviously don’t have a clue. At the other end of the spectrum, FOX did entertain one contestant, a standout Mensa member who walked away with $500,000.00. Again, he appears to be the exception.

This week a very attractive young lady didn’t make it past the second round when she misspelled vowel as “voul”. Her mood ring didn’t help her as she obviously has a major case of the dumbs. Another contestant earned high school honors, damned near aced his SATs and is a business major in his junior year at the University of Southern California where he is also president of his fraternity. Among other “obvious” answers he didn’t know that a ton was two thousand pounds or that Bavaria is in Germany. He had to cheat from the get-go to get the right answers and then jumped and pranced around when one after another of the fifth graders bailed him out of basic and incredibly mundane questions. He struggled with all the answers and the euphoric antics of he and his fraternity brothers when he cheated and peeked his way throughout the show casts a long shadow on the academics of the University of Southern California. In short it wasn’t entertaining any more - only embarrassing - though he walked away with $175,000.00 in prize money and the admission that he wasn’t smarter than a fifth grader!

I googled to a kid’s forum that featured comments on the show and the quality of their contestants. Most intelligently labeled the players on the show as “stupid” and the, “weirdest is when they order help on first grade questions.” to remarks that “these people are quite clearly idiots.”

There is no doubt that FOX producers interview and choose over-the-top eccentric folks, most of whom will not be able to perform well on the show and then after having failed in the game, don’t know the difference. It’s entrapment of the first order with the tragedy being that there appears to be an endless list of willing and qualified candidates out there.

I believe that it all points out to the very real overall failure and dumbing down of our educational system and the penchant of national TV in their reality craze to shamelessly exploit and open the sores of our compromised system for all the world to see. Maybe that’s a great service. Anybody listening?

Aye,

Ned Buxton

PROUD TO BE CANADIAN ???

Some time ago I received an e-mail listing of thirty reasons why the sender was Proud to be Canadian (his title) with the request to, “please send it on.” The article was written in Arial Bold font, Bolded and at up to 36 points so it literally screamed at the reader.  It appeared to be created with an angst of pride and patriotic fervor though one that belied reality.  It was obviously intended as more of a United States Bash than a history lesson or even an attempt to up Canada. No doubt it could have been written anywhere in the world with the intent to get sideways with someone.

This missile was forwarded by a great Canadian Friend and later acknowledged with some amusement by other Canadian Amigos who suspected that I would take the bait and research each and every claim. I swallowed the bait – hook line and sinker.  Note that while putting together this post, I did not care who invented what nor where they came from.  My motivation?  I was initially embarrassed by the piece as I truly respect Canada and with invitation in hand even thought years ago about emigrating to the far North.

This writer’s manifesto was so far off base and my reaction so visceral that I know I can, again, be accused of tilting at windmills, I think that this yahoo needs to be held accountable for his inaccurate claims with my big fear that without protestation and clarification, history might concede his ridiculous assertions. My rehash/response is long only in that it relates to his specific assertions.  My apologies.

First, this thirty point manifesto failed to include points 16, 18 and 19 revealing the writer’s less than perfect math skills. We might surmise that somewhere along its journey someone may have deleted some of the more absurd and inflammatory assertions (they are legion). With that in mind let’s address some of his points which basically attribute certain products, inventions, etc. to the Canadians.  Mind you “Canadian” is someone born or naturalized in Canada and embracing a legal relationship with Canada involving allegiance on the part of an individual who has invented an item, in Canada.

1. Smarties: For the uninitiated Smarties are an extraordinary sugar-coated chocolate confectionery invented by Rowntree’s (now owned by Nestle’s) of York, England. The product is not distributed in the United States but is widely available in Canada, UK and other present/former Commonwealth countries and Europe. Their largest manufacturing facility is in Canada with about a third of that product now manufactured in Germany.  While they are to me the best candy in the world, they were regrettably not invented in the Far North and are hardly unique to Canada. Pants on Fire, give the English credit!

4. Canadians Invented Baseball: Modern baseball is uniquely American in origin though its development appears to be a blend of many ancient games to include the English/Irish rounders and the more formal game of cricket. The Scots also had their version of a bat and ball game. As my anthropology DNA kicks in we need note that there is also evidence that the Romans played a similar game and in more recent history (the 14th century) the Russians had a bat and ball game they called Lapta.

There is no doubt that whoever invented the game probably borrowed from many different versions of previous "bat and ball" games and that appropriately reflects both the Canadian and American distinguished pool of émigrés from all over the world. Frank Ceresi in The Origins of Baseball (Baseball Almanac, 07-2004) stated, "In truth, the game evolved over many decades, if not centuries, and its roots are, in reality, a tangled web of bat and ball games brought to this country by immigrants." The earliest reference we found to “baseball” in North America is a 1791 bylaw in Pittsfield, MA which only four years after the US Constitution was ratified, "banned the playing of baseball within 80 yards of the town meeting house."

While there was some controversy about the inventor of modern baseball it certainly still appears to be an all-American show with Alexander Cartwright of Hoboken, New Jersey being so credited with its invention in 1845. The US Congress officially acknowledged Cartwright with the invention of baseball in 1953. The earlier claims by proponents of Abner Doubleday of Cooperstown, NY have been discredited. Pants on Fire!

5. Lacrosse is Canadian: It is also American and while the Hurons were known to have been playing the game in the 1400’s there is evidence that there were other Native Peoples also playing the game. The Cherokee and Creek claim the game as ancient and played the game well before recorded history in the southeastern US. Unfortunately no European was there to document their activities before then.

Since there was no Canada or America then the whole issue may be moot though the French documented the sport. I do concede that Canadian dentist George Beers standardized the game though we need note that the first college to adopt the sport was New York University in 1877.  I prefer to give North American First Nations the credit!

6. Ice Hockey is Canadian: While the modern game of hockey was invented and evolved by the Canadians it certainly appears that the precursor of the modern game was brought to Canada by the Irish, Scots and English via the British military in the late 18th century. The Scottish field game of Shinty and the Irish Hurling uses similar sticks and a ball and was eventually taken to the ice by soldiers looking for recreation and competition. I have read a British military log that described the game in the mid 1700’s. Now having said all that, the MicMac First Nation played a similar game prior to the arrival of the Europeans. The game of Ice Hockey evolved and even to this day a recreational version of the game is still known as Shinny. The effect of this game on the development of Ice Hockey was a given considering the many Scottish settlers in Nova Scotia and other parts of Canada.

As ice hockey's popularity grew, many are now attempting to claim credit for the game's origins. In his book Halifax: Warden of the North, author Thomas H. Raddall comments, “In Canada, where shinny on ice had been reshaped by merging aspects of Mi'kmaq hockey with the 1813 Boys' Own Book Rules, a number of English and Canadian individuals conveniently announced themselves as the game's originators. Some went as far as to write and publish their own versions of the so-called "official rules" in order to aid in their questionable declarations.”

Thusly, the great myth evolved. Many folks I know give the MicMac the credit especially considering the existence of ancient MicMac vocabulary that included words for skating, passing and to come on the ice.  While Canada did not exist at that time, they surely invented the modern game. Let’s consider ice hockey as Canada’s gift to the world with a nod given to the MicMac.

7. Basketball is Canadian: While Dr. James Naismith is Canadian-born and the eldest son of Scottish immigrants, his childhood duck-on-a-rock game bore no resemblance to and was not the literal precursor of basketball. The game was invented in Springfield, MA while he was employed by the YMCA and looking for an indoor winter sport for his students. We are assured that Naismith who became a naturalized American citizen in 1925 would not have thought to make this distinction.

8. Apple Pie is Canadian:  As much as it pains this American of Scottish origins, apple pie was probably first conjured up by the English and the cooks of Richard II in the 14th century. The limited use of the then very expensive and rare sugar probably made this a somewhat tart offering.  Let’s chalk this one up to the English.

9. Mr. Dress-up Kicks Mr. Rogers Butt: No doubt that American-born children’s entertainer Ernie Coombs as Mr. Dress-Up had a lasting impact on Canadian children for thirty years. He and the soft spoken Fred Rogers as the host of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood complemented each other and none take precedence over the other.

Our less than scholarly author failed to note that the Mister Rogers Neighborhood show was developed by Fred Rogers in 1963 while working with the Canadian Broadcasting Company in Toronto. Yes, it’s Canadian!  Rogers bought the rights to the show in 1966 and moved it to WQED in Pittsburg and then ultimately on to PBS.  Did I say that Coombs was American born?

10. Tim Hortons Kicks Dunkin Donuts Butt: Tim Hortons is the largest purveyor of fast food (let alone doughnuts) in Canada. I like their stores and happy to see some springing up in the United States. Not surprising that Canadian hockey player Tim Horton founded the company then brought in Ron Joyce, a former Hamilton, Ontario police constable in as a co-owner.  No doubt that Joyce elicited the support of law enforcement across Canada. The recent resurgence of Dunkin Donuts to include Canada is noted though Hortons is also getting competition from Krispy Kreme and Starbuck’s. I like them all though drink Dunkin Donuts coffee every day.

11. War of 1812, “Started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington”:  Here we go again.  You would think that we would stop fighting this war by the 21^st century.  This may be a technicality but the Americans didn’t invade the Canadians, they invaded the British-held colonies of Upper and Lower Canada in order to remove a British strategic military advantage and, yes, they probably wanted some of that soil north of the border. The war was very unpopular in America with many American states initially refusing to send troops into the fray.

Our errant author states that the war of 1812 was started by the Americans though history documents that the British impressed/kidnapped thousands of US seamen into British service, restricted trade by third parties with America and supported/encouraged Indian revolts against American interests prompting the US to declare war.
British troops and Canadian Militia didn’t push Americans back anywhere as the various major conflicts were disjointed and based on strategic objectives. The Americans won many of the major engagements including most of the naval battles.
It surely does appear that the modern day belief by some Canadians that the “Canadians” won the War of 1812 discounts the greater participation by the mostly British regulars and their American Indian allies and is more based on the fact that the United States didn’t "grab" any “Canadian land”.

The alleged “Canadian” burning of Washington, DC would most likely be contested by General Robert Ross and his force of 2,500 British regulars who were assisted by some Canadian Militia. The British burned the White House, the Treasury Department, buildings that housed the Senate and House of Representatives, the Library of Congress and several other government buildings. They tore down the Washington DC newspaper, National Intelligencer which had been critical of British Admiral Cockburn. In fact, the British spared many buildings including the US Patent Office and all residences.

What the War of 1812 did accomplish was the formation of a Canadian identity though Canada didn’t officially exist until 1867 when the union (confederation) of three British North American colonies occurred.

While the ending of the war saw no boundary shifts, the Americans can probably lay claim to some degree of victory as the British stopped their impressment of American sailors, lifted their trade embargos and were never again any influence in the agitation of Native Peoples against Americans.  A real positive was that the Canadians can claim from that point a sense of national identity and pride.  Were it not for that war the US wouldn’t have the Star Spangled Banner and her, “land of the free and the home of the brave …” Yes, the song is American and the tune is English.  Can’t we all be Friends?

17. World’s Oldest Company: The author claims that the Hudson’s Bay Company is the world's oldest continuously operating family business. That just isn’t true. Up until 2006 the world's oldest continuously operating family business was the Japanese temple builder Kongo Gumi, in operation by the founders' descendants since 578. Many, many other businesses are older than HBC and include Hoshi Ryokan Innkeeping of Komatsu, Japan which was founded in 718, Château de Goulaine Vineyard, in Goulaine, France was founded in 1000, Fonderia Pontificia Marinelli Bell Foundry of Agnone, Italy was founded in 1000 and Barone Ricasoli Wine & Olive Oil of Siena, Italy founded in 1141. I could fill this page and scores of others with the names of firms in continuous existence well before 1670. I think we have five Hudson’s Bay blankets and we love The Bay.

20. Canadians Don’t Marry Their Kin: I guess that our writer saw Deliverance too many times.  I know first cousins in Canada who are married. Their children are all apparently normal and they are absolutely delightful folks.

21. This section claims that Canadians “invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.” This section has many inaccuracies to include the following.
Penicillin: The inventor of Penicillin was Alexander Fleming from Ayrshire, Scotland while at St. Mary’s hospital in London.

Insulin: No doubt that Dr. Frederick Banting of the University of Toronto along with Charles Best, biochemist J. J. R. MacLeod and Dr. James Collip isolated insulin in 1921-22. However, Nicolae Paulescu of Romania developed and held a patent on an aqueous pancreatic extract eight months before the Canadians who even referenced Paulescu's discovery. Well done all, Aye.

The Telephone: The invention of the telephone remains a controversial issue though the invention of a version is now generally credited to Antonio Meucci in 1860. Others, to include a French telegraphist, English electrician, German scientist, Italian surveyor, American Engineer, Danish inventor and Alexander Graham Bell who lived near Brantford, Ontario following his emigration from Scotland.The first successful bi-directional transmission of clear speech was made by Bell in the United States. Bell permanently moved to the United States and became a US citizen though he always maintained a summer home in Nova Scotia.

The Zipper: The inventor of the zipper as we know it today was Gideon Sundback who is sometimes claimed as Canadian, as his Lightning Fastener Company, an early manufacturer of the zipper, was based in St. Catharines, Ontario. We need to note here that while Sundback frequently visited the St. Catharines factory as president of the company, he was never, in fact, either a permanent resident or a citizen of Canada. Sundback immigrated to the United States from Sweden in 1905 and lived in Meadville, PA.  The zipper was invented in the United States.

Velcro: The hook-loop fastener was invented in 1941 by George de Mestral, a Swiss engineer in Switzerland. At one time he collaborated with a French company in France. No reference to Canada found.

The Ski-Do: The rear tracked snowmobile was invented by Ray H. Muscott of Waters, Michigan, USA on June 27, 1916 with U.S. Patent # 1,188,981. The differing snow conditions in Quebec motivated Joseph-Armand Bombardier of Valcourt, Quebec to invent a different caterpillar track system suitable for all kinds of snow conditions in 1928. Bombardier refined the design and with many other firms the modern snowmobile was born in the mid to late 1950’s.

The Jet Ski: was invented by Arizonian Clayton Jacobson II (sometimes spelled Jacobsen) to include both the sit-down and stand-up models. Canadian Company Bombardier approached Jacobsen and they manufactured the Ski-Do until 1971. Jacobsen also did business with Kawasaki and Yamaha with the lawsuits to prove it. With the success of the product Canadian Bombardier started to again manufacture the Jet Ski as the Sea-Do.
Short Wave Radio? Claims by this author get more and more dubious. I suspect that he may have forgotten about Marconi. Frankly, the invention of radio can be attributed to the work of many people to especially include Nikola Tesla the Serbian/Croatian/Austro-Hungarian/American inventor who is regarded by many as one of the most important inventors in history.

29. The Zamboni – A Canadian Invention: The Zamboni was created by Frank J. Zamboni who was born in Eureka, Utah in 1901. He grew up in Utah and Idaho and evolved into an entrepreneur and inventor. When Frank moved to Southern California he opened up an ice rink, Iceland, in Paramount, California and conceived the Zamboni to resurface his ice surface. The Zamboni factory is located nearby.

The Zamboni is a lot better than the two, fifty-five gallon drums with hot water bolted to two skids with towels to apply the new ice surface at Lenox School on our outdoor rink in 1959.

23. Superman-Created by a Canadian: Jerry Siegel (aka Joe Carter) of Cleveland, Ohio and Joe Shuster [born in Toronto and immigrated to the United States (naturalized citizen)] created Superman in 1938. Shuster moved to Cleveland when he was ten and helped created Superman as an American. We can certainly give Shuster credit for his birth place.

We humbly concede claims made for Coffee Crisps and only sometimes, better beer commercials.

So, that’s the last of it.  Really no big deal though we can thank all the inventors of the world – whatever their nationality - for their imagination, creativity and drive in making the World a better place to live.

Progress, eh?

Aye,

Ned Buxton